Hi !  Welcome back. Did you eat chocolate yesterday? This week I am thinking (and writing) about soaring to new heights, birthdays, the hardship of striving, Valentine stories, women behind bars and cockroaches - Eve D.❣️

Week in review…

🧗‍♀️ I went abseiling. It was probably the first time I was voluntarily more than five meters off the ground. I am petrified of heights, so this was an interesting experience. More on that below. 

🎂 It was birthday week. My children were born 2 days (and nine years) apart, and the second week of February is a lot in this house. But everyone had a great time, kids are one year older, and time is flying. I also consumed more than my fair share of cake, doughnuts, ice cream, pizza and coffee. And I lost at bowling. Badly. 

🖥️ Work-wise this week was a complete fail, but on the plus side I expected it to be, so no great issues there. Like I said, the birthdays are a lot. Plus, our substation tripped or exploded (who knows?) and there was no power in pretty much my entire city on Tuesday. You lose some, you win some. 

🚶‍♀️ I went hiking. It was painful, but fun. I saw ostriches, buck and zebras. More on that below, too. 

📆 I wrote on my blog how my year actually starts in February, but I’m changing my mind on this. Instead of thinking in calendar years, I am going to shift my stance to financial years, which technically end here on Feb 28. This could just be a subtle, meaningless hack, or it could actually be a productive way to look at life/work. As things stand, I feel like on 1 December I have to take a deep breath, navigate Christmas, enjoy a break, then navigate January, then navigate the birthdays, and only then can I breathe a sigh of relief. And that pretty much takes me up to 28 Feb. So that’s the new timeframe, and new framework. 2025, and every year thereafter starts on 1 March, and runs through to 28 Feb. Plans will be made accordingly!

Free Therapy…

Valentine’s… (part I)

Valentine’s Day came and went, as arbitrary days should. But round about this time of the year I’m always reminded of a funny, personal story.  When my mom was pregnant with my sister, my parents and I went on a tour of Russia. (Since we lived in the communist block, our government only allowed us to tour other communist countries). On this particular trip, we had a female tour guide whom I absolutely loved. I was glued to her side the whole trip. Her name was Valentina, and I of course begged my mom to name my soon-to-be-born sibling after her. I thought the name was magical but my mom disagreed, which is why this newsletter is peppered with references to Patricia instead.

Cut forward a couple of decades, and it was my turn to be pregnant. On 12 Feb 2002 a very pregnant me went for a regular checkup with my obgyn, had my blood pressure taken, and was immediately deemed to be “at risk”. Doctor said the baby had to be delivered “soon”. He gave me the option of the next day (13th Feb), or the day after that (14th Feb) for the induction. I shared this development with Patricia, who randomly and immediately said (in a most insisting manner) that I must have the baby on the 14th Feb, and that I must name her Valentina (!!!). And so the world came full circle! Isn’t that a bit weird?

(I opted to have the baby asap (smart and life saving decision, as it turned out, but that’s a story for another day!). Micole was born on Feb 13, but even if she came a day later I would not have named her Valentina because by that time I was older and wiser, and agreed with my mom. Valentina wasn’t a great name, after all).  

Anyway, given that my kids were born on Feb 11 and Feb 13, and they are both very demanding with respect to birthdays, I haven’t had much energy or reverence for Valentines Day in a very long time. But I hope you had a great one! 💌 

Proof we are living in a simulation….

Breaking Limits…

I have a real fear of heights, so when G suggested we go abseiling, I was more than a little bit sceptical. To be fair, we didn’t actually go abseiling as much as we went on an abseiling course. Either way, I had to climb a very precarious ladder up a very tall tree, and then launch myself off a platform while learning to control my descent by tightly holding the end of a rope, looped through my harness (“It’s called a dead-end, because if you let go, you’re dead”, said the instructor nonchalantly). 

For reference, before I go much further, I should tell you about my fear of heights: I once climbed a flight of stairs in a house under construction, and because said stairs didn’t have a railing I could not climb down. I literally froze in fear and had to be carried down (which, for some illogical reason, I saw as a safer option than moving down the stairs on my butt). I also can’t (happily) climb ladders to change a lightbulb, and when I am on top of the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State building, I always wish I was somewhere else. My local mall has a glass bridge, and I have never stepped foot on it. Walking across a suspension bridge during a hike is a nightmare for me (funny story: first time G and I hung out in the wild, we went on a hike, I crossed a suspension bridge and he bounced it behind me with his weight, as a joke, and I nearly died.) 

All that to say, I knew my chances of making it to the abseiling platform were slim, and actually voluntarily throwing myself off it were near zero. 

And yet… I did it. Twice. 

I am not sure how, and I know I died a million deaths while climbing that f*cking ladder, but I did do it.  I was proud at the end (and mentally and physically exhausted). It was for sure in no small part due to the fact that I had great faith in my instructor, Andreas, and in G. I knew neither man would put me at any unnecessary risk. 

But it got me thinking. In the last five months (i.e., since I started seeing G, not co-incidentally), I have done a lot of things I thought I would never do. Walked more than 1km, then 5km, then 25km. Walked among wild animals. Plunged myself, repeatedly, under a wave in the ocean (don’t get me started on my fear of water), climbed (small) mountains, eaten spicy food, eaten (and enjoyed!) livers, went shooting, had a (mini) psychedelic trip and now abseiling. And I’m sure I’m forgetting even more things. And although of course G is a common theme in all of these, there is another one. Me.

I don’t want to sound like Carrie Bradshaw (lie! I want to sound exactly like Carrie Bradshaw!), but (cue her voice)…have I been limiting myself by holding onto beliefs that are just no longer applicable to me? 

Yes, I have.

Which (of course) leads me to ask: what other limiting beliefs do I have, and how can I shatter them? I have some ideas, and I intend to spend the rest of the year figuring out the specifics. But I am now questioning my “truths”. For example: I’ve always maintained that I don’t actually like people. But the truth is that that is no longer the case. I have changed my attitude and my dislike has turned into curiosity. I might not voluntarily sign up to spend endless time with strangers, but I can confidently say that I now enjoy meeting new people (even the annoying ones) and getting to know them better. In moderation, but still. Every person has an amazing story in them, instructed by their life experience, and everyone offers insight into human condition.

Point is…second chapters come without old limitations, and with loads of new possibility. I intend to explore and maximise this newfound reality!

Things to think about…

Some more truths: my hiking buddy, Laura, and I have now admitted to ourselves that a) we don’t actually enjoy hiking but b) we will continue to do it. When I say “don’t enjoy” I mean we don’t enjoy hiking while we are hiking. But afterwards, we feel great (and accomplished) and are eager to do it again. 

I thought this feeling was unique to me, and something to be somewhat ashamed of. How can I not enjoy hiking in beautiful nature, fresh air, great company? But the reality is that it’s strenuous, difficult, exhausting and time consuming. Every time I see an uphill I want to cry. Waking up at 5:30am so I can hike before the heat hits is outside my comfort zone. Nothing about this feels natural.

But… 

I put one foot in front of the other, savour the moment and keep going. And like I said, at the end, I feel great. I confessed this to G, who said “welcome to the world of every athlete”. I was blown away. It turns out, that contrary to my belief, almost all people who go for a jog at 5am, train for Olympics, climb Everest, swim endless pool lengths, do spin classes etc are not actually enjoying any of that while they are doing it. This really does amaze me. I thought it was just me. Turns out, it’s pretty much everybody. Sure, we can “get into it” during the process, and find some pleasure in the striving, the views, the endorphins, but the real joy comes after. Good to know. #discipline

And guess what? That’s true for life too. It’s a real bummer, because it means we voluntarily sign ourselves up for hardship and tribulation. The moment we master something, whether it is a 5km hike or a new milestone in our career, we up the ante and push for more. It’s the foundation of growth, this aggressive drive of ours. It’s the reason we are still alive, and it’s the reason why life will always seem difficult. But it’s also the reason why we get to the top of a mountain, and enjoy the gorgeous sunrise views. #wins

Odds and Ends…

🛠️ This is the most awesome tool! You know how if you just cleverly time your days off work to coincide with public holidays you can get really long blocks of off-time, with minimum sacrifice of vacation time? You probably tried to figure this out with a calendar last month, but this website does it for you. Works across multiple countries (including South Africa), it will work out exactly when you should put in for leave in order to have the longest blocks of no work.

🎁 Apple is launching something new! They’re doing it on Wed, 19th Feb and I am dying to know what it is. We have family bets on this. My sister says a TV. Zac says virtual glasses. I am thinking some sort of interactive robot/gadget/toy. Micole thinks a vacuum cleaner (????). Can’t believe it hasn’t leaked! (In reality, it will probably be an entry level phone). 

🐩 Dog owners have a decreased risk of dementia. No such results for cat owners, I’m afraid.  

🍝 A single strand of spaghetti is called a spaghetto.

🤯 The world, quite clearly, is going mad. I don’t want to comment much further on it except to say: Notwithstanding all other shit shows, it’s the AI that is not a joke. Consider that today AI is the worst it will ever be. Scary. But, like I said: no shortage of other shitshows. This might explain things: (?)

🚗 Speaking of shit shows, what is this 🤯 trend where car manufacturers are forcing us to pay for “subscriptions” to features like heated seats, and forcing us to watch ads on our dashboard screens. The world is going mad, I tell you!

🦹‍♀️ Remember Elizabeth Holmes? She was convicted of fraud for Theranos (If you don’t know her story, watch the Netflix documentary Out for Blood or read Bad Blood. It’s an insane story of how very intelligent people can be swindled by outrageous lies and gimmicks). I’ve always been fascinated by her, because I think of her as somewhat of a psychopath. Relentless doubling down on fraud, no remorse, no accountability. I see this personality in other (very public) figures: their outrageousness is sense-defying, and yet they just carry on and don’t give a flying fck. And often, much to my chagrin and fury, they prevail, get ahead and win (usually by cheating, never by caring). Anyway, she’s in jail for the next 9 years (despite popping out a kid months before getting locked up, as a desperate “hope-to-get-out-of-jail-free card”) and People Magazine has an interview with her and what her life is like as a mother of 2 young kids, while behind bars. Spoiler alert: still no remorse, but interesting insights.

🤳 I have, on more than one occasion, told people to switch off their speaker phone in public. I’d like to be able to make citizen arrests instead, and look forward to at least fines becoming mainstream:

Valentines …(part 2)

In (even more) honour of Valentine’s day, I give you these: 

❣️ Tony Robbins says…”if you’re coming to the end of the relationship, treat the person like it was the beginning of the relationship, and you won’t find the end.” (Lots of room for thought here… should all long term relationships be saved??)

❣️ The quickest way to destroy a good relationship is to try making it a perfect one.

❣️ A Polish zoo has made a Valentine's Day offer for people to adopt a cockroach, name it after their ex, and - if they purchase the "VIP package" - personally feed the insect to a meerkat. 🤣 

And, lastly:

I’ve been watching…

We didn’t watch a movie this week, due to technical glitches, and probably won’t next week either.  And you know what? On the one hand I want to say…thank goodness…because it was such a hectic week I was grateful for the stolen 2 hours. But on the other hand, the truth is that in the absence of the technical glitch we would have watched something, I would have found time for it, I would have enjoyed it, and life would still carry on. This is the advantage of scheduling regular stuff with people who hold you accountable to actually doing them (movies, hikes, dates). Otherwise, “life” gets in the way of life, and it all becomes a blur, time flies and none of it is fun.  And we miss out. 

Bonus: Suits is coming back! Well, a spin off, but Harvey makes guest appearances, and where Harvey goes, Eve goes. Also, I’m here for the wardrobes (yes, these include Harvey’s suits ❣️ ).

Thanks for reading!

Want more? You can find past editions here.

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

PS

Remember last week I told you about Kanye’s wife, Bianca, who appeared at the Grammys literally naked, on his instructions. Well, now they have filed for divorce.