Hi !  Welcome back. The month is dragging but the year is flying. This week I am thinking (and writing) about sadness, sick men, year-end reviews, coping frameworks, great sex and choices. - Eve D.❣️

Week in review…

🍽️ G’s friend hosted us for dinner on Saturday. Guess what we had? Indian! That’s the fourth time in three months, and the fourth time in my life! When it rains it pours. Happy to report the food did not disappoint, and neither did the company.

🍕 Also, speaking about food. My sister bought some organic peppers, put them in oil for a week or so, and then gave us some. We took mozzarella pizzas, and covered them wit the peppers and crumbly goats cheese. That was a simple yet delicious lunch. Once again, a reminder to me that food doesn’t have to be complicated, it just has to be good quality. 

😢 I was sad on Monday. Why? Who knows. Sometimes that “down” feeling just engulfs me. It’s not depression, it’s not debilitating, it just ….is. On days like this, I just feel the emotion, let it move through me, and I am very careful not to project or blame it on anybody else, no matter what my emotional brain is telling me at the time. (That restraint has saved many of my friendships/relationhips, I’m sure!). It helps if I can cry, and if I do, it’s very gentle, and cathartic and the release feels wonderful. Anyway, it doesn’t happen often, but it happened on Monday and kind of dictated the rest of the week, I guess.  

🚶‍♀️ I was meant to hike on Monday but my hiking buddy cancelled. Probably just as well. We postponed to Thursday, and then I had to cancel. By then I was feeling very off physically (dizzy, weird) probably due to the precarious Monday start, so I gave myself a gentle week. No walking or any exercise at all. I‘m having regrets, but also…I do have to listen to my body and be kind to myself. It is what it is. 

🎁 Laura surprised me with an impromptu present. She curated a box of goodies, including a fabulous drinking cup with my favourite animal (giraffe), personalised notebook (does she know me or what???), desk decor and lots and lots of stickers. Heaven! 🙏 

🧗 I am doing something very unusual (for me) today (Saturday). Another one of G’s ideas. This one addresses a major phobia that I have (heights), so there’s no guarantee that I am actually going to go through with it. I’ll keep you in suspense (see emoji for hint), and hopefully will have more to report next week. But I’m nervous, a bit. Wish me luck.

Sums it up…

Free Therapy…

G sent this to me this week, and I felt heard. Wow. This really speaks to life, does it not?

From the blog…

I did some writing on my blog this week, which I am hoping to do more of as the year unfolds. In other words, if you want to read even more of my ramblings, you can now do so :-) All the three new posts are reflections on the recent past, which I guess is par for the course at the beginning of the year. I include links and opening paragraphs below.

2024 year in review: Yes, I know it’s February, and most people review their year in first weeks of January, but that has never really worked for me. I need the year to end properly, then I need to decompress, and then I need to reflect. That takes time, so February seems apt. And as I sit here in February 2025, the first thing I think of when I think of 2024 is my Kruger trip… Read more

Well, hello 2025: I am very excited for 2025! I wrote about my 2024 recap, and honestly…it was all positive. (I’m sure I had lots of negative things happen in 2024, but none seem to have made a lasting impression). So now, I need to harness that positivity, and skate into 2025. … I am going to be very deliberate about actions and outcomes. Read more

Thanks, January: I am keeping myself accountable to my 2025 vision, and am doing a monthly recap. January feels like a lifetime away, but it’s only been a week! It also feels like a lot happened in Jan. New Years Day was spent recuperating from an amazing New Years Eve party, which we spent with G’s friends (52 of them!), at the coast. Climbed a mountain and loved the views. Stunning day. Read more.

We need to talk about this…

Kanye’s Wife. If you don’t know, here’s a quick summary. Kanye (Ye, whatever) is married to Bianca Censori, (who, as an aside, looks very much like his ex wife Kim Kardashian.) Bianca’s claim to fame, other than being Kanye’s wife, is that she wears very revealing clothes, and has no problem displaying her (very good) body. Anyway, this past week during the Grammy’s Kanye and Bianca walked the red carpet and she was literally naked. She had on the sheerest of dresses, completely invisible, and you could see everything. Including, as Megan Kelly said, “her vag”.

Some thoughts: 

1. This is clear abuse. I don’t know how anybody can deny this. Bianca walks with no expression, responds to commands from Kanye, has never spoken in public, I’ve never seen her smile. She is completely and entirely under his control. This is not “art”. This is not “empowerment”. This is actual abuse. Sexual, emotional, physical. It’s all there. 

2. Where is anybody? Does she not have family? Friends? Is there nobody in her life that can pull her out and help her? 

3. Where is anybody else? How did the Grammy organisers allow this to happen? How do social services allow this to happen? How is it okay that millions of people had to watch a near-catatonic woman walk naked down a red carpet, and there is no repercussion from any authority? This baffles me completely. 

4. We are all aghast when things like the Epstein saga, or the Diddy saga, or the R Kelly saga occur, yet this is happening right under our noses, and nobody does a thing? What the hell? 

5. That man makes my skin crawl. He makes me want to vomit. (He has two daughters, on top of it all.) He is clearly not mentally well (no excuse) and he shouldn’t be given any airtime.

Options…

Which would you choose? I’m definitely taking the money.

Odds and Ends….

📖 Barnes and Noble is adding plenty new bookstores in the US. They added 57 last year, and are adding 60 this year. This revival is driven in no small part by TikTok, and how it has pushed people to read more. I’ve said this before, things are coming full circle. Soon, personal blogs and websites will be a big thing when people get tired of the social media algorithms, and decide to go direct to the source. 

⛓️ Laura gave me a great framework for ….well, for everything. “Let it break”. I think this is particularly apt for women. We feel like we have to fix everything for all the people in our lives, at our work, in our communities, hell…we even want to fix the world. But the real, best way to do that is to let it break. Most situations are out of our control anyway. Let it break. The pieces will pick themselves up, things will be rebuilt better and stronger. We will be wiser for it. But the real power of this is it forces us to admit that we didn’t have control over it in the first place. Most problems are not our problem to fix. As soon as you start applying this to your space, you will feel an instant sense of release and relief.

🪡 If you feel anxious, thread a needle. It will focus your mind, and you’ll forget to feel worried. 

🛏️ If you have racing thoughts, especially at bedtime, and they are keeping you awake: take a pen and draw “figures of eight” at eye level, and follow your pen with your eyes only. Do not move your head. This unlocks specific neural pathways, and they calm your mind. You should be asleep in no time. 

🤷‍♀️ When uncomfortable things happen in your life, and you want to throw your toys out the cot, pause and ask yourself: is it a tragedy or is it an inconvenience? Act accordingly. Perspective is a gift that keeps on giving.

I’ve been reading…

The new York Times published this (very, very long) piece: 

It’s a must read. Seriously, when you are done reading this newsletter, go make yourself a coffee or other favourite drink, get comfortable and read the whole thing. (link to free version). Yes, I know it’s very long, but it is fantastic. Whether you share the authors sentiments or not, you will love how she builds a strong case for why we are the most kickass generation (and gender) on the planet. We knew this, but now we have it in writing.

Here are some excerpts: 

“I also found that I was better at sex, and that this was because I was older. I had fewer inhibitions, fewer hangups and more self-love than I did as a taut 24-year-old. … The fear of pregnancy was finished, as was the pressure to land a partner to make babies with. Everything that remained felt like a privilege: There was desire, and there was the ability to fulfill it.”

….

“You have women who found themselves free of marriage in middle age… You have women who are more educated and earn more than ever. You have women who are interpersonally rugged and who can be light and easy with sex because they worked their way through so much difficult sex when they were young. And you have women who are, in certain ways, immune to the neutering forces of the 21st century — because, both sexually and socially, they were formed before it.”

Aside: if you don’t share the authors experience of an improved sex life, know you are not alone. I had coffee last week with a friend I don’t see very often and she regaled me with stories how none of menopausal friends are interested in sex, and basically simply humour their husbands. I certainly have married friends who are the opposite, but do know that the spectrum is broad. Nevertheless, I also do hope that the article would inspire you to maybe explore ways to fix? 

That’s settled…

FYI, #Micole

I’VE BEEN WATCHING…

This week we watched an unusual pick for us: a documentary. Super/Man The Christopher Reeves Story. It was surprisingly good and I recommend it strongly to see a)how quickly life can change and
b)what resilience means and
c)what real love is.

This story is even more tragic than you probably remember it to be, but I’ll leave it up to the documentary to explain why. 

Next week we are watching another bio documentary, about Anthony Bourdain.

Thanks for reading and have a great week/weekend!

(Want more? You can find past editions here.)

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

PS