👟👠 Anyone for seconds? (#32)

Hi !  Welcome back. Hope you’re prevailing in this hectic end of year period. This week I am thinking (and writing) about good food, Arabic love stories, difficult people and growing kids . If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can join here or by clicking the button below. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW

🎄 We put up our Christmas tree. This is ridiculously early for us - usually we don’t think about decorating or putting on the music until November 15, but this year we decided to (finally!) sort out my mom’s decorations and split them between my sister and me. We did that, and since the house was then already in Christmas chaos, we decided to just go ahead and do the tree. (Christmas was a Big Deal in my mom’s house - I’ll tell you more about that closer to the time).

💪 My little 13 year old is not so little anymore. And he seems to be growing daily, no jokes. As a last hoorah we have been taking side by side photos to see exactly when he overtakes me in height (Zac is convinced he is already taller). Within a couple of months I will probably have to look up to speak to him. That is going to be weird, I am not going to lie! Best I get used to all my favourite men towering over me (G is quite tall, as are some of my other male friends). 

☀️ It’s summer here. Heat is on. But so is the rain. If you’ve never experienced an African thunderstorm, you are missing out. On my bucket list is to experience one in the bush, but that is difficult to time right. (G says it’s actually quite easy: go camping without a tent.) Unfortunately, this season also brings out the mosquitos, and ever since my Waldenstrom medical treatment, they love me (prior, I was never bitten). Annoying AF.  

🚶‍♀️ I’m slowly getting healthier and fitter. I’ve lost about 5kg since I started walking, have added daily cardio training to my routine (slowly), am still enjoying the walking and will now start to focus on optimised nutrition. Step by step, slowly slowly.

FREE THERAPY

US ELECTIONS

The US elections did not go as I had hoped. In 2016, I took this very personally, and I could barely function for days. This time round, I am much more stoic about it. I got off Twitter asap, and have not accessed any coverage of anything at all. Literally, nothing. This is so unlike me even I don’t recognise myself, but let me tell you …turns out the world will or will not function like a circus without asking for my opinion on the matter. So I won’t be giving it. I’ll check back in 4-6 years time. In the meantime, these wise words: 

 (OK, fine…one more thing! I heard a suggestion that Biden should step down now for health reasons, and make Kamala the first woman president. I like that idea!)

BON APPETIT

I always feel a bit stupid saying “I love good food” because who does not appreciate an exquisite meal? Nevertheless, I’d like to think that I have more determination than most to pursue food experiences (but please, not in my own kitchen!). I’m always on the lookout for opportunities to have an unforgettable meal. A number of things popped up on my radar with respect to this: 

1. I learnt that, since about 2006, some US cities have Michellin-starred restaurants. In fact, NYC has 71 of them, but only five with 3 stars. I researched these, and my go-to choice is Per Se. They do a 9 course chef’s tasting menu (different every day), and start at $400 per person. I’ll add it to my bucket list, although I am convinced I can get a comparable meal in Cape Town at a fifth of the cost. 

2. Speaking of South Africa, we had a really spectacular restaurant close to where I live called Mosaic (chef: Chantel Dartnall). It was, as Barney would say, legendary and was often featured as one of the Top 100 restaurants in the world, both for its food and its extensive wine collection. In 2021 it closed down… because the owners emigrated to France, bought a chateau, and embarked on a five year renovating project. The goal is to open a new Restaurant Mosaic in Spring 2025 in the chateau. Without a doubt, going on my bucket list too. You can follow their exhilarating journey on Instagram or see their website.  

3. And how is this for an unusual restaurant story? Erin French had a rocky beginning filled with divorce, addiction and lost custody. But she loved cooking, and bought herself an Airstream van and hosted pop-up dinners in fields around her home state, Maine. This was massively popular, and by 2014 she had saved enough to lease an old mill, which she renovated, and opened as The Lost Kitchen. It’s an intimate 40 seater restaurant, with no options other than the set menu she designs from the ingredients sourced daily from nearby suppliers. The food is good. But here is the best part: she was so overwhelmed with requests for reservations, that she did something unusual. Instead of calling in to make a booking you have to send in a hand written postcard requesting a table! She receives over 60,000 postcards per year, all vying for some of the 1,500 seats available. (Fun fact: she single handedly also saved the post office in her small town from closing). She’s a real success story: from humble beginning, she now also hosts markets, has a book, an online shop, a very popular tv show, and an Instagram account.

4. Fun fact: I have promised myself that as a reward for finishing my book I will take G on a a 3-5 day of culinary experience / experiment in Cape Town and surrounding winelands. Cape Town has some extraordinary food, and spectacular scenery almost everywhere you turn. Combined, this cannot be beat. Plus, it’s all at a fraction of US or Europe prices. That will be a fun newsletter to write, once it happens. (But don’t hold your breath, the book and Eve are struggling! 🤣 ).

LOVE

I’m still writing my “Love Essay” I mentioned last week, and am thinking a lot about what love actually is. (Spoiler alert: I have no clue). But it’s always interesting to see how different cultures approach it. Last week I told you about the Spanish “half orange”. Today, we move to Arabic, where they don’t say “I love you”, they say “ya’aburne”. It translates to “you bury me”. Meaning: when the time comes, I hope I die before you, because the thought of having to live in this world without you is unimaginable. “A world without you is no world at all”.

DIFFICULT PEOPLE 

My podcast of the week recommendation is Huberman (big surprise 😀 ) and Bill Eddy. They talk about high conflict people (HCPs), and how to handle them. Here is my brief summary:

• Before you handle HCPs, you have to recognise them. HCPs blame others for everything, and never take any responsibility. They are also hugely emotive, and if they have a high conflict disorder (vs a high conflict personality), they will never take the time to reflect, self-examine or grow. 

• HCPs are remarkably good at hiding their traits. You can work with someone for a year at a distance, and only realise how difficult they are when you work on a project closely together. This is also true for romantic relationships. Overall advice: date someone for at least a year before making any big commitments like marriage, and always look to the type of relationships they have with close family and friends.

• Look for patterns of behaviour. Toxic behaviour will usually not be context dependant, and will be pervasive.

• Never try to fix an HCP. Don’t label them. Don’t try to rewrite the way they view the past (it will always be their own, altered version). Only focus on the present, and the future.

• Never discuss emotions with them. Never ask them how they feel. (They will tell you, and then you’ll be sorry! 😂 ). Never ask them how they feel about a proposal; rather ask what they think about it. Give them options.

• To ease the relationship, show empathy but set boundaries. 

The one thing that struck in the podcast was the assertion that HCPs are not this way by choice. It’s often genetic, for example. We should focus on not hating the person, but hating their behaviour. There is a difference. Don’t reject them, but do manage them.

MOVIES

Nik and I watched Saturday Night Fever. I was expecting something along the lines of Grease, but what I got was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Still makes me want to vomit. It is so misogynistic! The pervasive and accepted (group) rape culture is just horrendous. It did not help that we watched it on Wednesday, the day the US election results were announced. This movie was revered when it came out in 1977, and honestly….it explains a lot of what we see happening today with attitude to women. Yuck.

Next week we are watching Wolfs, which stars Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Yes, it was my choice 😆 . 

Speaking of watching movies: my friend Laura shared Letterboxd on her blog. It’s an app (mobile or desktop) that allows you to track all the movies you’ve ever watched. It looks very cool. Nik and I have a Notion database that tracks all the ones we’ve watched, and there are over 200 in there already. But this record keeping might be a better option, so maybe I’ll migrate the data.

GOOD EYE

This is a NON photoshopped, single photo:

and this is more context for how it happened.

Thanks for reading!

That’s it for this week. (Want more? You can find past editions here). I hope you have a great weekend and upcoming week. Please keep sharing /forwarding to your friends/groups 😄 . You can also email me privately by hitting reply on this email.

PS

I wonder what happened. I need to know.