👟👠 Gatvol with all the kak (#31)

Hi !  Welcome back. It’s November! I was going to open Xmas on this newsletter today, but I think I will wait another 2-3 weeks. In the meantime, I am thinking (and writing) about end of year stress, morning pages, and half oranges . If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can join here or by clicking the button below. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW

I’m writing this newsletter only hours before its scheduled to post, because I was in no mood to write it yesterday. That’s a good indication of the type of week it was…emotionally exhausting, and not just for me. I need better frameworks to deal with life’s rollercoasters, because they are not going away. Ever. (I’ve included a good hack below.)

🚶‍♀️ I’ve been walking ever since I was invited to do the Kruger trail, around July. At first, the goal was just to be able to complete the trail. Then, once that was done, I shifted to walking to stay fit. But now I have had another shift: I am walking because I genuinely enjoy it. It gives me clarity, boosts my creativity and releases stress. I now walk about 5km daily, and I am walking it fast. My next step is to walk in the heat (I hate doing this). I did that for the first time yesterday (only 2.5km)…and it was not bad, not bad. A different type of experience. I could get used to it.

⏰ I am extremely busy with work and already suffering with lack of focus, so of course I was easily persuaded by Laura and Zac to start my own 100 day challenge to post daily to my blog (SneakersandHeels.com) as well as to the new Instagram account. Honestly, I have no idea why I am doing this, and am floundering a lot, but a commitment is a commitment, lol. I have a grand total of 6 Instagram followers, and have zero ideas on how to get more. Please follow me if you are so inclined! (Don’t expect great things there, though).

🍦 I live in the loveliest little closed off community of about 500 houses. We organise spontaneous events that benefit the suburb or just build on friendships. It’s amazing to watch, because it’s completely voluntary and self-driving. We have been voted one of the top 5 suburbs in the country, and with good reason. Anyway, just got a message that someone has organised an old-school soft-serve ice cream truck to visit the suburb this afternoon, and I am excited!

IS IT 2025 YET?

Gatvol with the kak

I had a friend whatsapp me at 7:45am this morning saying she is fed up with all the people, and is ready to run off into the mountains for months. This struck a chord because someone else said a very similar thing to me just a day before. And given that I would happily accompany either of them on their escape, that makes at least 3 people who have just about had it with this year. I bet you are feeling something similar.

There’s a guy in South Africa, Brent Lindeque, known as the Good News guy, who writes about positive things and basically has an important role in keeping this country and its people sane. He recently tweeted this:

And I think that that’s where we are at. We need to take a deep breath, and just make it through the next 5-6 weeks. Good luck!

PS: Gatvol and kak are two fantastic Afrikaans words that should be universal. Gatvol means literally “fed up” and kak is “crap”.

PRESERVING SANITY 

Morning Pages

I am writing an essay. It’s about love: falling in love, being love, staying in love. It will hopefully be ready by next week, and I will link to it then.

But in the meantime, I want to talk about the act of writing, and what effect it has on my mental state. I started writing the essay because it’s a topic that is being deeply discussed by my friends and me, and I realised that we all have very unique attitudes to romance and relationships, and that this is important to acknowledge. What works for some will not work for others. There is no blanket cookie-cutter formula that works on relationships.

I wrote the essay because I wanted to get more clarity on this, and to figure out exactly where I stand. As I wrote it, I quickly realised I could never publish, because it’s too personal and specific. Plus, I didn’t want to freak out my new partner, even though the essay isn’t about him at all. Still, it doesn’t bode well to write an opus on love just as a new relationship is starting, because it’s difficult for either party to figure out what in the essay is general, and what is specific to the relationship. (The only time we had mentioned the L word was weeks prior, when he told me to please not fall in love with him. I promised I wouldn’t 😂. You’ll have to read the essay to see how that’s working out).

Anyway, I did end up talking to G about the essay, as well as my friends, and everybody wants to read what I wrote. So I agreed to edit and post. But….now, the (almost) final essay is completely different from the original. Still authentic, and still representative of how I feel, but there’s a lot that’s missing, just to preserve my privacy and dignity. And its edited for length (although still very long). And this got me thinking: writing is important to me because it helps me sort out the mess in my brain, but there is a big difference between writing things that others will read, vs writing things that only I will read. This also reminds me of what a friend recently told me: she was going through a rough period, and to cope she set up an anonymous blog, and wrote there. She found it hugely therapeutic. I’ve done this before too. It’s a good balance between being heard, but also not being recognised.

So I want to talk (again) about another writing-style option: morning pages. These are written daily, before you do anything else (and definitely before you check your phone!). You write 750 words each morning, which for me is exactly 2 handwritten A4 pages. Once you start writing, you cannot stop until the 750 words are written. You can write absolute gibberish, but you have to keep writing. You will soon realise that this unlocks your unconsciousness and your brain literally releases the crap that is holding you back, or that is causing you confusion. You will gain insight you never knew you had, and it will be a tremendous help. BUT! The most important part of the morning page ritual is that you never re-read what you’ve written, and you throw it away immediately as you are finished. This helps your brain to not self-edit.

I have written hundreds of these by now (I move in and out of writing them, as needed) and I cannot recommend this practice enough. It has saved my sanity and helped me gain more clarity than hours in a therapist chair ever could. Plus, it’s free. If you are struggling with anything in life, I strongly, strongly recommend you get out a piece of paper and a pen (morning pages really should be handwritten), and start writing. I’ve outlined my process here. And when you’re done, tear them up and throw away. Always remember: morning pages are not diary entires. They are a brain dump, to never be judged or re-read.

Thank me later.

HEAR HEAR 

FREE THERAPY

LACK OF FOCUS

I swear to God, posts like this will make me get my very-much-desired law degree one day. #ShinyThings

ODDS AND ENDS

💵 If every job paid the same, what would you be doing? I bet a lot more people would be happier in life.

🇺🇸 This time next week we will know who the next US President will be. Crazy that I have to say this, but I hope that the transition is peaceful. Must say that many of my US friends are not very optimistic that the honour of democracy will be upheld. (You can also congratulate me for managing to hold my opinion about the whole shit-show mostly to myself).

🍊 Spanish people often say “my half orange” (mi media naranja) to mean their life partner. Explanation: since no two oranges are alike, each half orange has its perfect match. Its soulmate. I guess the English equivalent is “a lid for every pot”.

CLEVER

MOVIES 

In celebration of Halloween, my movie date and I watched Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this week. I loved it, even though I fell asleep half way through the movie and had to finish the following day (I was exhausted!). It was just the right amount of funny, scary and nostalgic wrt the original.

Next week is Saturday Night Fever, which neither of us has actually ever seen.

Speaking of Halloween, this was my favourite costume (spotted online):

This was a close second:

Thanks for reading!

That’s it for this week. (Want more? You can find past editions here). I hope you have a great weekend and upcoming week. Please keep sharing /forwarding to your friends/groups 😄 . You can also email me privately by hitting reply on this email.

PS

This one is just for Micole (and my mother), but if you know, you know.