Hi ! Welcome back. This week I am thinking and writing about meals with family, aloes, dog birthdays, men (and women!) who cheat, wanting to run away, asking why and people who play dress up. - Eve D.❣️

Week in review…

☀️ I have a spring in my step! The weather is getting warmer, and I am much happier. It’s not that I am specifically unhappy in cold weather, but I just find it so pervasive, especially in my house. The African sun gives me energy, and our winter sun - when it decides to shine - is glorious! (But I’m well aware we are not done with winter yet).

🎂 This was a very important week in our house. My Lisa turned 7! We celebrated by spoiling her even more than usual, and went shopping for lots of new toys. This dog goes bananas every time she sees the pet shop bag. And yes, she knows. On a sad note: seven already?? I can’t imagine life without this pup, so time better slow down.

🍲 The best gift someone can give me is to take away my need to cook. I usually gift this to myself (takeout, going out etc), and Zac makes burgers every Friday but also this week my sister had us over for stew. Not sure if she thought we were bringing an army (seriously, that dish could feed twenty people), but it was (of course!) delicious, and a fun way to spend an evening.

🔗 I hung out with friends over rugby and over coffee, I climbed mountains (ok, fine, it was just one mountain), I went to gym (three times!) and I slept a lot. I think one night I got 10 hours sleep! I went to a Pilates class with a new instructor and it was so gentle and laid back I almost started to snore, but then! I could barely move my body for the rest of the day! I don’t know what she did, but she knew what she was doing. She somehow tricked the class into a very serious workout. My body still remembers!

⛰️ While we were hiking we passed two grandparents out with their three grandkids. Grandad looked a bit tired, but grandma was happy and the kids were ecstatic. My hiking partner Laura commented that that is why we hike…to make sure that we are up there on mountains with our grandkids, instead of being pushed around in wheelchairs by them. I agree! (But also, to be clear, I’m giving those grandkids back at the end of the day! I’ve paid my dues already!)

🌻 Ooh! I “helped” G plant up a garden feature, which involved us going to a plant nursery, choosing gorgeous aloes, digging them in, and then admiring them. When I say I “helped”, I really mostly watched him do it, but the result is spectacular, so well done to him. Made me want to plant up my patio, which I have just decided I am going to do! This will be an epic “before” and “after” photo opportunity. But we wait for September!

 😴 I’m glad I’ve just come up with the idea to redo the patio, because I need to do something new and fun. Told you I’m shedding the winter blues! Will think of other things too. I’m a bit bored of my daily routine. New experiences required!

Free Therapy

Links and things…

✅ Tired of seeing stupid crap, cloaked in euphemisms, everywhere online? Well, let me help you out! This Bullshit Remover does exactly what the box says. “Paste crap, get truth”. I pasted in the text on the left, and got the text on the right in return.

✅ This is as easy to make as it looks, right? I think I might attempt it. I have such an issue controlling all my necklaces, and you know….summer is coming.

✅ This is a brilliant, phenomenal, and most disturbing book cover, ever.

✅ Love this! A Korean couple in their mid 80s run a laundromat, and create the funnest fashion shoots with all the unclaimed clothing. I like this level of fun, and it’s a lesson that we should all grow [b]old with age!

✅ How delightfully clever! These are ceramic versions of real notes. The creator, Studio Notes, calls them “Eternal Notes” and says she “eternalizes love letters, wedding vows, notes from parents who have passed, even old ticket stubs”.

✅ We’ve all heard of the Boston Coldplay concert drama, right? If not, here is a summary: the jumbotron caught a couple on the big screen, and they immediately freaked out and tried to hide. Chris Martin (Coldplay lead singer, Gwyneth Paltrow’s ex) commented “They are either very shy, or having an affair”. Ha ha. Guess which one of the two options applied? Turns out he’s the married CEO of a leading company, and lady in question is his….head of HR. That will be an awkward Monday morning at the office. Anyway, the whole thing went apeshit viral, which to be fair is really bad for the poor wife and any kids they may have. Bad enough to find out your husband is cheating, worse to find out together with millions of other people. If Ellen or Oprah shows were still a thing, she’d be on them in about 6 months, hopefully with a book deal. In the meantime, she removed his last name from all her social media profiles, and then deleted the accounts all together. I do feel for her, this must be horrendous.

I need to be alone…

I’ve realised something: the reason that adults are so overwhelmed and burnt out is because we don’t have much (any?) opportunity to be away from our kids for an extended period of time. This has nothing specifically to do with the poor kids themselves, other than the fact that they are the ones preventing us from alone-time.

Think about it. If you are parent of at-home kids, when was the last time you were away for, say, 5 days without your kids (but with your partner, maybe)? Chances are, never or at least very, very rarely. For those of you who are separated and do 50/50 contact split, it might seem as if you are away from your kids half the time (probably true) but the chances are you are not away from the day to day life. And that’s an important distinction. 

I managed to steal 10 days last December, when G and I went to on holiday. But that was very circumstantial, and won’t be repeated often. Prior to that, I spent I think 3 days alone with my then-partner one January, but only because we had just spent 28 days with four kids, galavanting on an extended holiday around the country. And before that? I honestly can’t remember. Sure, I remember doing stuff like going away for work to Austin and then stealing a couple of days in NYC, for example, but that’s not the level of relaxing I am talking about here. And no, going away for work does not count.

And if you thing that grandparents are the solution to this problem, I don’t agree. The issue is not that we have nowhere to leave our kids. The issue is that we don’t want to leave our kids. Time-off is so precious, we want to spend it with them. Anything else seems selfish, but also simply far from ideal. I like spending time with my kids. I just also like to spend time alone.

I’m thinking about this a lot lately, because my head is overwhelmed with stuff. And more stuff is dumped there all the time, and I am struggling to figure shit out. I need to land some planes, get rid of a lot of ideas, and find order. But I can really only do this if I am away, by myself, with space to think. Like for a week. But that is totally unrealistic for me.

G knows what I’m talking about 😂 :

This, by the way, is exactly the reason I am walking the Camino, and why it has such a strong appeal. It’s not to “find myself”, or to discover some hidden purpose for my life. I’m good with all that. It’s literally to get away for 35 days and have the space and permission to breathe and think for myself. No responsibilities. And obviously I can’t do that while sitting on a beach (well, I could, but once again…selfish and less than ideal!) so I have cloaked the mission in a pilgrimage. Because that’s one place I know my kids wouldn’t want to be, so it’s ok for me to do it on my own. No guilt! Call it my life-hack.

Why, what, how, why and….oh why? 

This concept has crossed my radar a couple of times this past week, especially with my conversations with G. A simple life hack is to ask yourself Why you are doing something or Why something is important to you. One way to do it is to ask the Why? five consecutive times, like an annoying kid. In Simon Sinek’s approach, you should start by asking why?, then move onto how?, and then onto the what?. I now often use a combo of the two techniques.

The answers - and the process itself - will bring out some interesting insights. You should try it. But don’t just try it only on the obvious issues…dig deep, and go into the uncomfortable spaces. Also! I think it’s totally okay to answer the why with a simple “Because it brings me joy”. In fact, that’s probably the ideal answer, no?

For example: Why am I walking the Camino? Because it feels like the type of challenge my soul needs right now. Why does my soul need this? Because I have had a transformative year, and I need to process a lot of new stuff. Why does the stuff need processing? Because if left unprocessed, I am worried I will miss out on opportunities due to simple overwhelm. How will the Camino help me process? By giving me the space, time and peace to think things through. What do I hope to achieve by walking the Camino? To come back rested, motivated, and with a clear head. (You get the idea).

I’ve been watching…

It was my turn to pick a movie and I chose something totally different…Smokey and the Bandit. Once again, I knew nothing about it, but it was fun, and nostalgic in the “those were the good old days” way. The movie released when I was 4yrs old, and was a “sleeping hit”…it was the second highest grossing movie of the year, even though it had a tiny budget and no great expectation. I loved Sally Field in it…I’ve really only seen her more recent acting, so it was interesting to see her young, gorgeous and funny. I do love her.

Looking ahead…

G is hosting friends for dinner/rugby, and I am making the dessert (G only reluctantly gave me this privilege, so I better not disappoint. Obviously I turned to my sister for help and a recipe). (By the way, for last week’s “rugby dinner with friends” I spent the full match caramelising onions, and let me tell you: when you think your onions are done, they are not. They need to be on that stove for at least 40 minutes, no matter what your gut tells you. I kept mine on the stove for ever, and they turned out great. Also, I pronounce caramelising as CARMELISING, and you’ll agree that makes more sense). Other than that, nothing too special planned for the week. I am meeting up with some friends I haven’t seen in a while, and carrying on doing my usual-usual.

Thanks for reading!

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P.S.