Hi !  Welcome back. Hope the sun is shining, wherever you are. This week I am thinking and writing about timeouts, secret huts, therapy, dog soccer, small Italian towns, good reads and the history of pubic hair (yes, really)  - Eve D.❣️

(Quick side note: this newsletter should be easy to read, as far as formatting goes. Some readers are reporting it ends up in their inbox in very small font. If that’s also your experience, please let me know. I need to fix, somehow!)

Week in review…

It feels like I did nothing significant this week, other than work during the day and binge watch stuff at night. I honestly do not know where this week went. It was a leisurely Mother’s Day Sunday one day, and now it’s Friday evening. I am not sure I came up for air properly, not even once. 

🥶 Winter is on its way. I will admit that a South African winter is mostly glorious, and the African winter sky cannot be beat. But the morning are getting cold, and since I don’t do cold or mornings very well, it’s not a good combo. I am not getting a lot of support for this point of view, though. Most people are surprised at how mild our winter is, so far. (For the record, I have a real Goldilocks attitude to weather: it must be just right. I hate the cold, but I absolutely hate the heat even more)

🥾 I did manage to hike, and it was tough (Tough for me. Not tough for anyone else I saw on the trail). I think the trick to this hurdle is that I need to hike more. I watched a YouTube video on how to train for a backpacking hike, and the instructor wisely said: the more fit you are, the more you will enjoy the hike. According to him, hating to hike while hiking is not the normal state of things. Could have fooled me.  

🏋️ Speaking of which: I am more than half way to joining the gym (it’s a two part process, and I’ve done part one). I would be all the way there if the sales consultant didn’t disappear half way through her work day. But I do have it all set up… just need to swipe my card for the activation fee and get my access badge. Hopefully by this time next week I will be telling you about my invigorating pilates classes and strength circuits. 

😽 My (new) cat caught and ate a bird, which explains how he survived in our garden before we started feeding it. Speaking of which…cats are something else. If we are one minute late feeding this creature (who, not weeks ago, did not know what being fed even was), do we hear it from him! He stands outside the kitchen door and serenades us until we come running, both to feed and to apologise for our tardiness.

⚽️ My Lisa is a star soccer player. I think I should try and get this on video. This little creature can manipulate the ball better than Ronaldo. And if we try to kick it to each other, she blocks and anticipates our every move. We really struggle to win with her, and she’s very proud of herself.

🎒 Remember I told you about Zac writing his English essay with AI, and how I made him rewrite it? He did, and he did a really, really good job, and got 100% for it. A couple of things: he swore he didn’t use AI (he even took it through AI checker to prove it); b) getting 100% for Cambridge English is unheard of, ever and c) the teacher took forever to mark the assignment, and I think she literally retyped it (it’s handwritten) and used an AI checker herself. The point is: yes, Zac wrote the essay himself, but Zac usually writes with AI and this ongoing collaboration has made him a better writer (he was always quite good). So, there’s that. Interesting. 

🏠️ I am watching hiking videos of the Tour du Mont Blanc (170km backpacking through the Alps). The videos are either cinematic or just plain fun, and they are very relaxing to watch. The scenery is breathtaking. It reminded me that I have always wanted to own a cottage in the Swiss mountains, so I could retreat and hide for months at a time. This week I went googling for prices of how much this would cost, for when kids are out the house and stuff. I learnt two things: a) property in Switzerland is even more expensive than I thought, and b) my vision of an unassuming little dwelling can easily be updated to a gorgeous chalet with just my imagination and another $5million. I better get cracking on the retirement plans, to keep options open 🤣.

♥️ For Mother’s Day, I asked for flapjacks for breakfast. Turned out kids also wanted whipped cream and berries, so I had to get dressed and quickly go buy the stuff. When I got back, I was expecting the flapjacks to be ready, but kids declared the mixture a flop and determined they couldn’t make them. So I had to stand over the stove and make 20 flapjacks myself, which I then served with the cream and berries that I just bought. Then I cleaned up. If that’s not an apt way to celebrate motherhood, I don’t know what is. On the plus side, Zac made me a digital and animated card and a treasure hunt. He wrote very cryptic clues, hid them around the garden and made me really work for the prize which was a gorgeous flower made of lego-like blocks, which now sits on my desk. Sweet kids. ❤️ 

➕ The kid I am helping with in maths improved from 25% to 86% average (!), in just two months. I am very proud of us both 😃 

4 hours timeout…

This week I read (somewhere) about the four-hour silent timeout, and I am intrigued by the concept. It’s basically an extended period of time during which you minimize stimulation, in order to go through all the chaos that occupies your mind. There weren’t many details as to how it actually works, so I made up my own rules (see below), but the most important thing to know is that people who have tried it swoon over its benefits.

My rules:

• During the four-hour timeout, you are not allowed to speak or to listen to any voices, and can have no outside distractions.

• No phone, no book, no earphones.

• You also are not allowed to have an agenda or a to do list. This isn’t a 4 hour break so you can work out your product launch strategy.

• As much visual stillness as possible. Sit in nature, but not in the middle of a busy park.

• You are allowed pen and lots of blank paper.

I envision the best way to do this would be to go and sit outside, on a blanket, in sunlight. You then you let your mind wonder (and wander). It’s the opposite of meditation, because I think the whole point is that you want a million thoughts to run through your head. Then you do with them what you will or what you can. Apparently, in the first hour of this process you will have “monkey brain”. The next two hours aren’t much better, but the fourth hour is when the magic happens. Not much detail as to what this magic is, exactly, but I am eager to find out for myself. I’m expecting calm, peace and clarity?

There’s  a problem though. Finding 4 sunlight hours during which I can avoid interruptions is near impossible. My weekends are spent between G and my kids, and I wouldn’t want to remove myself from either for four hours. Also, if I am to not have access to my phone, then I need both kids nearby so I don’t have to stress that one of them is lying in an emergency room while doctors are trying to get hold of me. Maybe a Friday morning could work?

If you try it, let me know how it went.

Snow days…

This is not a photograph! It’s a painting. Have you ever seen snow done more masterfully? Artist: Peter Mork Monsted.

Notes on notes….

Here are some good reads, bookmarked for your pleasure. All are free to read.

✅ What it’s like to live in an Italian town of 1,500 people. Might make you want to pack your bags and go. Or not. “If you want to get anything done in this town, you need to know someone. Seriously. Networking here isn’t about business transactions; it’s about respect. Someone invites you for coffee? You go. It’s part of the unspoken code.”

✅ “Full Bush”: A pictorial history. Maybe NSFW. Masterful article that talks about how women’s pubic hair has been depicted in history, in real life and in art. A spoiler alert absolutely no one will find surprising: it was different than for male pubic hair. “Hairlessness was associated with virginal purity — but you weren’t really meant to remove hair either. Big double standards!?” There are some “wow” images in this article…

✅ How to learn French and actually enjoy it. Fun fact: my kids recently discovered a French book on my bookshelf, with a certificate I received for being “Best in Class” in my adult French class. I loved the idea of being able to speak French, but abandoned my attempts quickly due to #life. Now, this article has convinced me I can try again. And, online content makes it so much easier. I can listen to “slow French” podcasts, for one! (Related: How I’m learning Spanish 3x faster with my Claude AI system).

✅ Tell no one how we live. A beautifully written essay about the burdens of a non-perfect, hidden from sight life, and the slowness of winter. “Tell no one how we live. Don’t talk about the days I can’t move and am paralyzed by the work load and the things I don’t want to think about”.

✅ 14 European hotels on my wishlist this summer. The title says it all. Bon voyage.

I’ve been reading …

Aside from reading a lot of online essays (see above), I am also reading Maybe you should talk to someone. I am not far in, but it’s a self-help/memoir written by a therapist, Lori Gottlieb. (I previously spoke about an interview she did with Huberman a while ago, about finding and being a good romantic partner). She goes into the case studies of 4 patients (she is one of them!), and it’s fascinating to observe therapy from the point of view of the therapist, a behind-the-scenes viewpoint. Turns out they do judge (and dislike) (some of) their patients! And bonus points: it’s equally fun to see the therapist becoming a patient herself.

Lori is in therapy because her boyfriend, whom she expected to marry, broke up with her when he decided he “didn’t want to live with a young kid in the house” (she had an 8 year old at the time). That’s a real shitty move on his part, but I guess it happens more often than we think. (I certainly wouldn’t want to be dating anyone with a young kid, because I’ve been there, done that, paid my dues. I am planning my kid-free life already. Not sure I would wait 2 years to let the guy know, though).

As Lori goes through her own therapy, and as she takes us through some of her own patients, she does so with kindness, humour, insight and honesty. I find myself cringing, crying, but also laughing and learning. I highlighted this quote (as did 40,000 other Kindle readers): “We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.” It hits home. Hard. And I’ll bet there is a ton of insight still to come.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I‘m already strongly recommending it because I think you should read it. Trust me.

I’ve been watching…

The weekly movie was Another Simple Favor, which I do not recommend. The less said about the ridiculousness of the plot, the better, except for the fact that it’s set in Capri, and now I want to be in Capri. Next week we are watching The Taste of Things which is about love, and about cooking and it’s in French. (Obviously my choice! Hopefully I finally get to watch a love story!).

I also watched Four Seasons (Netflix), and it’s so, so good. Anything with Tina Fey and Steve Carell would be, no? The story revolves around three long-term couples, who are close friends, and how each relationship changes over time. If you do watch it, I strongly suggest you watch it with your romantic partner. I didn’t watch it with G, and I regret it because the show gives so much fodder to discuss relationships etc. Can relationships last forever? Is it better to focus on being happy now, or to focus on (also) being happy in the future? Is a divorce a failure? The show has 8 episodes of 30 minutes each, so easily binge-able in two nights. Highly recommend.

I am also watching The Residence (Netflix), which is thoroughly enjoyable and funny. Some great quirkiness comes out in that show. The premise: someone gets murdered in the White House during a State Dinner, and a most …unusual?....detective gets called in to solve the case. 200 people/guests and a ticking clock. It’s light, and frivolous, and fun.

Thanks for reading!

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