👟👠 This one isn't about soulmates

Hi !  Welcome back. Don’t worry, 2025 only officially starts 1 Feb, promise. This week I am thinking (and writing) about holidays, work, finding out, soulmates and spiders. And more! - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW…

😢 I don’t want to be back in the real world, at least not quite yet. I miss the freedom to not have to worry about anything, I miss spending extended alone time with G, and I miss the ocean. If you haven’t gathered: my holiday break was superb. I’m still processing, but I wish I could skip back to the beginning, and replay it without changing a single thing.

🚑️ As punishment for my above pleasure, I guess, just six hours after getting back from above holiday (in other words, midnight), I was rushing one of my kids to the ER. All is good, and everyone is still alive, but honestly…not the welcome-back banner I was hoping for. At times like this we always look for the positive (access to private healthcare, in this case), but sometimes I think that this “look on the bright side” thinking is a bit of a farce designed to fool us into thinking life is the way it is meant to be. And I’m not exactly feeling that, right now.

💊 On Thursday I woke up with a massive headache (very unusual for me) and complete lethargy. I attributed it to holiday-withdrawal, but actually it was…caffeine withdrawal. For various reasons (in no mood to grocery shop being one of them) I unintentionally (and extremely unusually!) had had no coffee for 48 hours. I remedied with a quick stop at a local cafe, and the headache disappeared immediately. Caffeine withdrawal, it turns out, is a real thing. Not sure how I feel being slave to the drug, but it is what it is.

⛈️ In another contrast to the holiday, it has been raining here non stop for 3 weeks, and it does not look like it will stop anytime soon. On the one hand, water from heaven is good. On another, I am tired of stepping into mud and puddles everywhere I go.

🚶‍♀️ I am (possibly) doing my longest ever hike (up a mountain) on Sunday. It will be 4hrs, with a 300m elevation, which may or may not sound like much to you but for me I might as well be prepping to climb Kilimanjaro. I will let you know next week if I survived. (But, to be clear, I am excited. G keeps on pushing my boundaries, and so far so good. Who knows what my limits are? Not me!)

🫠 I’m having a not-so-mild existential crisis wrt to work. I won’t bore you with the details (mostly because I myself don’t exactly know what is going on), but as I look at my 2025 blueprint, I feel very meh about it. I’ve been trying to change my mindset for a while; I thought I succeeded, but apparently not. I’m hoping this week brings a breakthrough. In the meantime, I’m pondering this quote as a life goal: “An old friend of mine once said that paradise on earth is to work alone all day in anticipation of an evening in interesting company” - Ian McEwan

✅ G (my smart man) gave me a great framework for 2025: It’s the year of “Finding Out”. Make this the year to find out what you can do, who you can be, what you can affect, who your real friends are, what your passions are, whether you are on the right path, whether your actions can match your goals and whether you are living an intentional life. Be curious and be brave!

FREE THERAPY…

I’VE BEEN THINKING….

✍️ I am going to take my blog and this newsletter more seriously. I know I’ve said it before, but this time I am actually (maybe) going to do it. Not sure what that entails, but I’d like to get readership to about 2,000. Loose goal for 2025. (Also, to be clear, this is what G would call a “shiny thing”: something one does to distract oneself from actual work. He’s not wrong, but this newsletter brings me a lot of pleasure to write, and my interactions with you are so much fun, that I will gladly dedicate some attention to it).

🔥 I’m horrified by the California fires. I know the world goes through a lot of (much worse) tragedies all the time, and this one affected mostly wealthy folk, but it’s still a devastating loss, and I feel heartbroken for those affected. I’m reading stories of people grabbing their most precious belongings (usually photos or artwork), and it got me thinking about what I would grab in case of a fire. Answer: aside from people and animals, nothing. I love a lot of my belongings, but I have consciously tried to detach myself from materialistic things. Everything is replaceable. And that what isn’t, can live on in memory.

Click on the video below to see what the loss of a home means…

😥 Nobody has it worked out. As I do catch-ups with friends post-break, and also reflect on people I met during the holiday I am reminded of a constant theme: nobody is living a blissful, peaceful and ideal life. Literally, nobody. Everyone struggles with something. And although we can look at them, roll our eyes and say “nice problem to have”, we should also remember that there are millions (and millions) of people who would say that about our problems. So, perspective!

🎵 I’ve decided to expand my music repertoire, and I am starting with classical music because I know almost nothing about it. Somewhat embarrassingly, aside from Bethoven’s Fur Elise (which, fun fact, I can play on the piano) I am unable to recognise a single classical piece. That’s going to change this year. If anything, it will make Bridgerton more exciting to watch. On recommendation, I am starting with Bach’s Concerto for 2 violins in D minor (which, I admit, does sound very posh). It’s very calming, but also uplifting. Listen for yourself:

🥕 Part of my New Year’s resolutions is to eat healthier (this is probably everyone’s goal in January?). Anyway, I am sharing this with my kids so they understand why there is no more Nutella in out cupboards:

LONGFORM…

Soulmates?

Zandaya and Tom Holland (both from Spiderman) are engaged, and I am oddly thrilled for them. They represent an ideal couple to me…their relationship is visibly filled with respect, adoration, laughter and love. I honestly hope they make it all the way through. I’m a sucker for this type of romance. Also, one of the couples I met during the holiday was clearly still besotted with each other even after decades of marriage, and it fills me with hope that this is possible. It’s beautiful to watch. I see very little evidence of it in real life, and wish it for my children above all else.

All this raises the question of soulmates. Do you believe in them? I used to, but now I am of the (rather unromantic) belief that given the right match of values, interests and basic compatibility we can get along with, or even love, pretty much anyone that piques our interest and matches our rhythm. The trick is not in the “falling in love” part (that phase fades fast), it’s in choosing the right person and deciding to make it work. “Love” (however you define it) will then find you, and it will last.

Mind you, I do think that’s easier said than done. Finding someone that you get along with is difficult - but not as difficult as we make it out to be, and definitely not impossible. And since there is obviously more than “just one” person that we can really vibe with, the concept of “soulmates” doesn’t hold up. I find it difficult to accept that anyone’s current partner is the only one in the world that they could have a happy life with. That just doesn’t make sense.

What does make sense is making a commitment that despite other possible options being out there, this is the one you’ve chosen. Make a decision, and then make it work. You’d think this is intuitive, and that everyone in a relationship does this…but I really think that very few people actually do. Most people, even in fully committed relationships and marriages, are still looking out for themselves first. They think that an “I love you” is the ultimate relationship goal, and once achieved the work is done. But nothing could be further from the truth. I’d much rather hear “I’ve decided to do the work to make this work” than some declaration of a fleeting emotion.

Is it romantic? Not really. But I do think it is wise. And it is that level of commitment to each other that I see in Zendaya and Tom, and in the couple I met during the holiday. All options are off the table, and choices have been made. It’s beautiful, and it works. And that’s the best type of romance, period.

WHAT I’VE LEARNT THIS WEEK…

🕷️ Spiders shed their skins. I did not know this. (Way I found out: I found a massive shed skin on my bathroom floor and nearly had a heart attack).

❓️ All my life I thought the word “doos” was a slang word for “stupid arse of a man” but it’s actually a Dutch/Afrikaans slang word for “vagina”. Honestly don’t know what else to say about this discrepancy. Should I apologise to someone?

🐶 In the 1970s, Golden Retrievers easily lived to 17yrs. Now we are lucky if they make it to 12yrs. Possible reasons: food quality, in-breeding, less outdoor activities and (not sure how seriously to take this one) proliferation of vaccines. I am very interested in prolonging the life of my pup, and am surprised that food is on the list. I was under the impression that store-bought food quality had greatly improved over the years.

WHAT I’VE FOUND…

Margins: Book Tracker is a free app (iOS) that tracks the books you’ve read. It’s like Goodreads, but with style. I’m going to use it to keep track of all the books I read (and want to read) for 2025. It’s kind of like Letterboxd (which does the same as this, but with movies).

I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO…

If you want something that is completely (almost literally) out of this world, you need to listen to this track, and anything else by the group. This music will put you in a trance, it will slow down your day and help you breathe through any tension. It’s spiritual, energetic and simply beautiful. It is impossible to listen to it and not feel lighter.

I’VE BEEN READING…

I read How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. He wrote The Midnight Library, which I loved and highly recommend, but this book (which seems to be his second most popular) was slow and disappointing, and didn’t actually have a point. I gave up on another book of his before the holidays (The Life Impossible), so now I am done with him.

I would also like to strongly recommend giving up on books that just don’t do it for you. I have this weird obligation to finish books that I start, even if I am not enjoying them, but I am done with that now. Every book gets 50 pages to hook me. If I’m not dying to turn the page by that point, I will walk away.

I’VE BEEN WATCHING…

Nik and I watched A Real Pain this week. It’s about two cousins from NYC, who go to Poland to visit their recently-deceased grandmother’s old house. It’s a quick movie (90 minutes), is character driven, and is utterly wonderful. It was fun to see Poland (my country of birth) on film, but even without that bonus this is a well scripted, brilliantly acted movie. I recommend. (Kieran Culkin won a very well deserved Golden Globe for Best Supporting Male Actor for this movie).

Next week we are watching Emilia Perez.

G and I binge-watched Squid Games 2 and a) it’s not very good and b) it ends on a cliffhanger, with “more to come in 2025”, so I don’t recommend you watch until it’s all out. I am (probably) not going to watch the sequel at all, so take that as my (non) recommendation.

And, I am going to try carve some time from somewhere to watch Murders in the Building 3.

Thanks for reading!

Want more? You can find past editions here.

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

PS