👟👠 Messed up men, and other stuff

Hi !  Welcome back. This week I am thinking (and writing) about work, messed up men, Paris, good food, skylines and absent friends. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW…

💰️ This hasn’t been a particularly exciting week, but I did get my ducks in a row and focussed strongly on work. And you know what? I am having fun again. I had a tough talk with myself, and realised that I cannot force myself to do things I don’t actually want to do, simply because they “make financial sense”. It all just makes me miserable, and what’s the point of that? Instead, I am going to focus on doing things I really enjoy, and I am going to make that decision work for me.

🚶‍♀️ G and I were planning to hike last week, but we chickened out. Well, the weather wasn’t playing along but to be honest I think it was a tad too ambitious for me anyway. Instead I did my usual 5km walks this week, and that was just about enough. (It really is easier to walk at sea level than at a 1,400m elevation, which is where I live). But! This Saturday morning Laura and I are doing something fun: we are joining a women’s walking club and will do a short hike with them. I hope I meet some cool new people, because that’s one of the things on the agenda for 2025.

🚗 I had my car washed. This shouldn’t be news, but it is. I have my car hand washed inside and out, and it takes about 2hrs, and I just didn’t have that time in Nov/Dec. So my car was filthy. It bothered me; I don’t like messy chaos - it disorientates me. But I fixed that now, and…people are commenting on the difference 🤦 ! Most important, I feel calmer and happier whenever I drive. Amazing how the simplest things can make. massive impact.

📕 I stepped away from writing my book in early December. The idea was to write/edit while on the beach, but honestly I wasn’t inspired to do that at all. Which was fine. I got back into it this week, and am in love with the process again. Well needed break, helped. Now I just need to set a realistic writing schedule, publishing date, and marketing plan. Baby steps.

I’VE BEEN THINKING…. 

⁉️ I’ve been reading about the sexual harassment accusations against Neil Gaiman.(He’s a famous author). Of course, (once again), this is extremely worrying. I like(d) this man, I loved his writing, and I even followed his Masterclass on writing a novel. But then this:

WTF? What, in all seriousness, is wrong with men? (My usual disclaimer: not all men! I know (all) the men in my life are not like this!). But this is scary shit.

⁉️ Speaking of good men. I have a friend who lives in a different continent and many time zones away with whom I stay in touch regularly (as in, first Wednesday of each month we schedule a call and we chat for about an hour to catch up). This month, the first Wed was New Year’s so we skipped it, but I now realise I haven’t heard from him in about 7 weeks, and he is not responding to WhatsApps. I called him today, and he declined the call but didn’t explain. (If you think I have been ghosted, there is no chance. We’ve known each other for 30 years, and he wouldn’t handle our friendship like that). So…at what point do I get worried? (He’s not on socials, so can’t stalk him). I have weird scenarios running through my head, none of which make sense but all of which would make a great Netflix series. Not sure what to do? 

⁉️ I’m somewhat amused (and horrified) by the upcoming TikTok ban in the US. Not following the saga fully, but it once again underlines the danger of building a career on sand. I do feel sorry for all the TikTokkers who are (maybe) about to lose their income, and the stress that that must be causing them.

🇫🇷 Speaking of social media. I have noticed, lately, that I have a deep desire to visit Paris. I was not at all sure why - I have been multiple times, and although it’s beautiful etc it’s curious that I would feel this urge for this particular city. As an example, this suggested walk sounds extremely appealing, and I saved it on my phone:

Then I realised that although I don’t visit Facebook often, whenever I do for some reason it feeds me a large quantity of posts about… the beauty and appeal of Paris (like the images above and below). The focus seems to be exclusively on Paris, and I guess this is driving my subconscious desire to go to France. So: social media works on us. We don’t realise how much, because that’s how good it is at subliminal influence. We need to stay vigilant. (Joke’s on Facebook though: next international city I visit will be New York)

INSIGHT…

This past Sunday I made a list of everything I wanted/needed to do for the week, and on a whim I added how much time I estimated each task to take. The total was 68 hours! Obviously that’s madness (I’m lucky if I work half of that per week), and I realised a big problem that I have: I overestimate what I can achieve in a specific timeframe, and then feel under-accomplished and guilty each week when I am unable to deliver on expectations. This is a recurring problem, and I am going to put a stop to it. I moved items off the list until I only had 35 hours of work committed to this week. Now that it’s Friday night, I can tell you that I checked each and every item off that list (something I have not done in recent memory), and even though I was unable to put in any work today, I still feel the week has been a win.

You could argue that I need to stop buggering around and put in more hours. And that would be nice - if I could. And although I can tell myself that I should, the reality - which I am now fully expecting and accepting - is that I won’t. I have only this much energy, only this much will, and I cannot work more. It is what it is. Maybe as the year progresses, and I get into more systems and flow my efficiency and output can increase, but I am not forcing this.

And let me tell you: it’s a massive mental shift to feel good about what I have done instead of feeling bad about what I have not done.

I used to think that next week/month/year will be better, more efficient, more energy rich when in fact there was never any evidence or reason to have such beliefs. Nothing was fundamentally different, and simply instructing myself to do more was not working. In order for my productivity to change, I have to change. And thinking I should change is not the same as actually changing. The hidden secret: accept that such change needs to be gradual. Anything too fast is bound to be counter productive.

I now have a vow with myself: when I write and finalise my Sunday list, it will not be with the goal of getting as much done as possible, but rather with the goal of feeling good about the week when Friday 5pm rolls around. So yes, I need to be productive and I need to keep moving forward, but I also need to keep the list realistic and manageable. I might be despondent about how few items end up on my list, but I will make up for it by being happy when the week is done, and I feel good that I got shit done. Tradeoffs!

QUIZ TIME 

Can you identify these city skylines? Answers at the end of the newsletter. (Hint: First one is Paris 😀 ).

WHAT I’VE FOUND…

GeoGridGame. This is a fun (and difficult!) online game to which Zac introduced me. You get a grid of 9 squares. Each column and row has a clue about a country, and you need to guess nine countries that meet the criteria of the row/column clues. You get points not just for the right answer, but for how uncommon your answer is. There is a new game every day, and you can play against friends and family. It’s quick, and it’s fun. Can you think of an Arfican country with a flag that has a star? Or a country that ends in “N” and whose capital city has fewer than 500k people? Told you it was difficult!

I’VE BEEN EATING/COOKING…

G treated me to an indulgent dinner at an Argentinian restaurant. Fun fact (from Zac): South Africans and Argentinians are the biggest eaters of meat. And Argentinians clearly know how to cook a piece of fillet because mine was delicious. Big win. We also had a Sunday craving for crumpets and scones, and found the perfect spot for both. I’m glad and grateful that my boyfriend shares my appreciation (and curiosity) for good food!

On a more homely note, I would like to cook one new dish a week, although I realise that may be a bit ambitious because life is busy. But there are many ways to experiment with food! On our holiday (which G and I have now decided was actually a foodie holiday, even if unintentionally so) I saw feta being used in fun ways. So this week I bought a block, and melted it into cream to make a pasta sauce, added mushrooms and peppers, and served with penne. It was very good! Next week I’ll add it to scrambled eggs. Nice little hack.

I’VE BEEN READING…

I haven’t switched on my kindle or cracked a book spine this week. In honour of lack of time to read, and my above post about making lists, I will share (somewhat ironically) a visual summary of Feel Good Productivity, a best-selling book by Ali Abdaal. Fun fact: the left side of the yellow bar is exactly what G and I had already decided is the optimal approach to 2025.

I’VE BEEN WATCHING…

Nik and I watched the Golden Globe nominated and winning Emilia Perez this week. Well. So. Ahem. It’s about the interaction between the head of a Mexican drug cartel and a lawyer. But if you are thinking the likes of Sopranos or Godfather, let me throw in some twists: the head of the cartel undergoes a sex change (this is not a spoiler). And it’s a musical. The movie has Zoe Saldana, Selena Gomez and Karla Gascon (who, in real life, lived as a man until the age of 46). It’s a weird movie, but worth watching. Don’t expect to have much sympathy for any of the characters. They are all broken people.

Emilia Perez is a Spanish movie, with subtitles. Which reminds me of two fun facts: 1. G and I watched the first episode of Squid Games (which is a Korean show) with dubbed voiceovers, and it didn’t work. There is something unnerving about watching Korean actors, in a Korean setting, talking to each other with English accents. We watched the rest of the season with subtitles.

But here is a more fun/weird fact, which you will find hard to believe: In Poland, foreign movies are dubbed with just one actor doing all the voiceovers. Yep. One person speaks for all the characters (male, female, kids). When my sister and I first realised this we were on the floor with laughter. I have no idea why they do this. If you ever watch credits on a movie, look out for the screen with “Polish dubbing” and you will see just one actor credited (versus any other language, which will have a separate voice actor for each role). Madness.

G and I are now in the Netflix and Chill stage of the relationship (except, we actually really do just chill 😂 ) and we binge watched The Perfect Couple. It’s not bad. Nicole Kidman seems to have found her episodic groove. She’s in this, in Big Little Lies, in Nine Perfect Strangers (I recommend all of these) and I recently heard about The Undoing (with Hugh Grant) which also seems worthwhile to watch.

Thanks for reading!

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PS:

Skyline Answers: (top to bottom): Paris, Prague, London, Istanbul, Rio de Janeiro, Amsterdam, Moscow, Tokyo, Venice, Hong Kong, Miami, Barcelona, Dubai