👟👠 Am I interrupting? (#34)

Hi !  Welcome back. This week I am thinking (and writing) about travel, cartoons, listening, tiny homes and the forgotten art of sending postcards. If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can join here or by clicking the button below. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW

We’ve made it to the “let’s circle back after the holidays” time of the year. Well done for surviving.

✈️ I booked a plane ticket that will take me on a very deserved beach holiday! I’m leaving my kids behind (a first) and joining G for days of sun and sand. It’s going to be interesting to mini-vacation without the two brats. Part of us all growing up, I guess. I’ll take them somewhere in late-January instead.

😠 I am writing this newsletter in a coffee shop - one of those where you order at the counter and then they bring it to you. The woman in front of me was taking forever to place her order, and I really had to bite my tongue not to crap her out. I was very proud of my self-control, as I practised my breathing in-and-out exercises. Was even going to reward myself with a chocolate chip cookie. But wouldn’t you know it…she ruined it by having the audacity to turn around, look at me and say “We are all in a hurry, you should learn to be patient”. After me staying quiet! Safe to say I only have that much self control, and the stupid woman is now regretting her life choices. (I proper tipped the barista, so he’s so on my side 😂 ).

📎 After this edition, there are 4 more newsletters before Christmas. My goal is to make them very chill, probably more listicle format. I’ll give you my recommendations of best movies, books, articles and gift ideas? Then after Christmas I might do a recap of the year and then first thing in January I’ll try to convince you to not set New Year resolutions. 

GOOD FOR A LAUGH

There is a South African cartoon called Madam and Eve that has been going strong since 1992. I have been a fan since around then. The Eve in the name is Madam’s housekeeper, and they get up to various antics that bring a weekly smile to all our faces. It’s a mixture of political and cultural commentary. At the end of the year the cartoonists bring out a compilation of their best work, which always makes a great gift.

Coincidentally, 24 December is my name day in Poland. Name days are a mostly Eastern European tradition where specific names are celebrated on specific days. They are actually more popular than birthdays - really are a big deal. (Yes, this only works if you don’t name your child Apple, North or Phoenix. But Poles wouldn’t do that 😀 ). So every year for a very long time my sister would buy me the Madam and Eve compilation book as a name day gift, given that the housekeeper character and I share the same name, and it’s name day etc etc. It was a cute tradition, and I think I need to ask her to revive it.

Anyway, the reason I am telling you all this is because it turns out that G and one of the the Madam And Eve cartoonists are close friends, and G has invited him for dinner Saturday night (!!!). We are having burgers and rugby 😀 . I am beyond excited to meet my sort-of-hero 🙌.

Side note: You will notice that I got the raw end of the stick by being named Eve, since my name day and Xmas get collated (we celebrate Christmas on 24th), and I (mostly) lose out on my name day gift. It gets worse. Another really important holiday in Poland is International Women’s Day, which falls on 8 March. This too is a big deal…the Poles know how to respect their women (or at least they do on 8 March). And wouldn’t you know it….that’s my birthday. So, lost out again.

NO KIDS ALLOWED

Facebook keeps on showing me the most incredible tiny(ish) houses, and I am becoming slightly obsessed. I have vague dreams of finding a magical plot of land, and putting up one of these.

#MeToo

Speaking of plots of lands. I follow this Youtuber, Eva Zubek (also Polish, but videos are in English) who was a nomadic world traveller but has now attempted to settle down by buying herself a plot of land on a remote Polish mountain. Let me tell you, this woman is tough. I have a lot of admiration for her.

But….she recently posted a video, talking about how random men have forced her to abandon her dream of living on this land, because they literally watch her videos and then stalk her. One man showed up on this land uninvited, somehow realised she was not there because she was shooting a documentary for National Geographic in Africa (a side gig of hers) and he flew to meet her there and proposed marriage. WTF?

To be honest, I couldn’t watch the full video because I found it too upsetting. To see her dreams shattered because men just cannot respect women just broke me. Anyway, she now sleeps with an axe by her bed. Not #AllMen, but ffs….

LOOK AND LISTEN

Last week when we were at my sister’s for dinner, at one point I realised everyone (except for my sisters partner, Sean) was talking at the same time. We were literally all talking over each other, and it was pure chaos. I called it out, and Sean looked at me in surprise and said “You guys always do this. You’ve been doing it since you sat down”. (He really has the patience of Job with the Dmochowska sisters 😂).

Coincidentally, I was recently reading about EQ and how important it is in life and at work (in brief: most people around you have similar IQ, and so the best way to stand out is by developing high EQ, which makes you a better leader and co-worker). One of the suggestions to improve EQ was to learn to listen well, and not interrupt others.

And then, G and I had not-a-great telephone conversation where we were clearly not listening to each other, and were getting exasperated. (I take responsibility for this).

So…three times in quick succession was a clear sign that I am being spoken to by the Universe and I better listen (appreciate the pun, please). I am now consciously trying to interrupt others less. The trick, as G later told me, is to listen and then repeat to the other person what you heard them say. Not only does it force you to really pay attention, you also have an opportunity to digest it and let the other person know they are being heard. I do think that repeating things all the time will seem a bit artificial quickly, but it’s a good way to practice the art of listening. I can sense I am already getting better.

WHITE OR RED?

How to lose weight, according to 1970s Vogue. Who dares to argue?

HAPPY FOR YOU

Heard this interesting framework recently: you can tell how you really feel about a person by how you react when something good happens to them.

It’s natural to feel bad for people when something unfortunate happens to them, even if you don’t like the people very much. But it’s more telling how you react when something good happens to someone. If you feel anger, envy, bewilderment or disdain chances are you don’t have strong positive feelings for the person, and aren’t showing up for them authentically.

Side note: this works in reverse too. If your “friends” are not truly happy and supportive when something good happens to you, then chances are you should remove them from your life.

MEET YOU AT THE GATE

I have been saying for quite some time that I am done with travel. Nothing about it seemed appealing to me. I’ve seen pretty much everything I want to see. But now I realise that I am using the wrong vocabulary to convey my approach to this. When I say  I’m “done with travel” I mean I am done travelling for the sense of checking items off a list. I am not done with new experiences. 

I think this disdain for checking items off a list came to me when I first visited Paris, in my 20s. I went to see the Eiffel Tower, and I went to see the Mona Lisa, and I was positively underwhelmed. (Subsequent to this, I learnt that the Japanese literally have a word for this exact emotion of disappointment, known as Paris Syndrome). It sounds ridiculous and arrogant to say that I found being in the presence of the Mona Lisa boring, but that is exactly what it felt like. 

Despite this, I have the fondest memories of Paris and still very much enjoy the city. But the parts I enjoy are the little things. The food. The language. Cobbled stones. On that particular trip I discovered a quirky stationery shop and I still have some items that I bought there. (Side note: stationery shopping is my secret vice. It’s why I’m planning to one day go to Japan).

I was reminded of this when I saw this map of the “ideal European road trip”. Now, let me immediately say that I love me a good road trip. It’s my favourite way to start a holiday. So when I saw the map, I thought…yes…need to do this. And then immediately I followed it with “three months in a car, moving daily from place to place just to say I’ve done it? No chance”. It sounds exhausting, to be honest. 

Now, my ideal form of travel is mid-long term. Go and live in a city for 2-3 months. Get to know and be known by the local baker. If I start doing this when both kids are out of school, and I do it until I’m 75, I will have an opportunity to live in about 20 more cities. The rest of the year would be spent enjoying hosting all my new friends in my own country. It gives me goosebumps to think of how much life and how much fun I still have ahead of me. Everything thus far almost feels like a rehearsal. 

YOU’VE GOT MAIL

Speaking of Paris…listen to this! There is a bistro in Paris that, at the end of the meal, brings you a card and a fountain pen and asks you to write a letter to yourself. They will then post it to you a year later! I’m blown away by this, and it also reminds me how much I love fountain pens. 

(If you are wandering, that dessert above is pain perdu - French toast, with salted caramel butter and vanilla ice cream 😍 )

Maybe we should get (back) in the habit of sending postcards to ourselves and our friends? I was recently going through old memorabilia and found plenty of cards I sent to my parents while I was studying in the US. Reading them reminded me of things that I have long forgotten. #GoodOldDays

CHOO-CHOO

🚂 Staying with the travel theme…do you know that you can literally and legally buy a railcar in the US, hook it up to any Amtrak train and travel the country as you please? It costs between $100k-200k for the car, but if you want to make it liveable, it’ll cost up to $500k. And Amtrak will charge you $2/mile for the actual travel. (Apparently, you can also do this in Switzerland).

You can also rent out a railcar, as per this website. (Bonus: this is the most 1990s website I have seen in a long time! 🤣 )

Fun fact: If you don’t have $500k to travel by train in the US, you can travel by bus for free, in Romania. You simply pay for the ticket with 20 good form squats, or a quarter mile on a stationary bike. They have a clever automated system that facilitates this.

FREE THERAPY

MOVIES

We watched Polite Society, and contrary to my high hopes for the movie, I have to report that I hated it. It was stupid. Nik was far more forgiving, and considered it a good effort for a first time director. Meh. I’d trust me on this one. 

Next week we are watching The Talented Mr Ripley. I know there is a new series on some streaming platform, but we’re watching the original (?) one, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Matt Damon. Fun fact: Matt Damon is my go-to Hollywood crush. Absolutely adore the man. Think I might watch the James Bourne movies again, just for fun. 

Thanks for reading!

That’s it for this week. (Want more? You can find past editions here). I hope you have a great weekend and upcoming week. Please keep sharing /forwarding to your friends/groups 😄 . You can also email me privately by hitting reply on this email.

PS