👟👠 Winding down, living up (#35)

Hi !  Welcome back. I am beginning to get really excited about 2025. You? This week I am thinking (and writing) about novelty, photographs, lazy downtime, digital detox and ghosts in the house. If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can join here or by clicking the button below. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW

Is it seriously still November? I know this year has flown by (see below) but this month is draaaaaaaaaging. I need it to be December as soon as possible so I can legally be in a festive mode. 🎄 

🔫 I held a gun for the first time. It was both scary and sexy at the same time (am I allowed to say that?) and now I want to go to a shooting range and actually fire one. That’s on the agenda for 2025.

🍽️ G and I hosted our 6 person dinner, and it was a blast. I made a mean salad. Our guests were too full to eat our dessert, so G and I ate the 6-serving meringue with whipped cream and strawberries ourselves, for Sunday breakfast. We clearly know how to live it up. 

❓️ I was woken up by a tremendous crash in the middle of the night. It was really loud and distinct. My dog, who was lying on the bed next to me didn’t twitch an ear so I wasn’t worried about break-ins or anything like that, but fully expected that part of our ceiling had caved in or similar. I investigated the whole house but could see no evidence of anything untoward, which was just…weird. The next morning, both my kids (who could usually sleep through a tornado) reported being woken by same noise, so I knew I wasn’t dreaming. It was so strange knowing that something had happened in this house, but without any real evidence. (None of us actually mentioned the word ghosts, but honestly, I think we were all thinking it). Anyway, later in the day I had reason to be in our entrance hallway (not a place we frequent often since we most often use the back kitchen door to get in and out the house) and realised that a painting was missing off the wall. Like, it was just gone. It’s funny what type of thoughts went through my head in that nanosecond. I mean…how does a paining just disappear? Turns out the explanation was simple and boring: There is a chest of drawers beneath where the painting was hanging, and the painting had fallen behind it, out of sight. Mystery solved. (Although Micole still thinks it weird that a painting that literally has not been touched for 30 years would just fall, and that it would do it so loudly.)

🦃 We had dinner at my sister for Thanksgiving. We didn’t bother emulating the whole turkey experience, but did have meatloaf which we thought was quite American. It was delicious.

☕️ It’s that time of the year when quick coffee dates get swopped up for leisurely lunches. I am contacting all my in-town friends and scheduling longer catch-ups while everyone is still in town. Good food and good company. What a win.

📕 I am still writing my book, but had a chat with Amazon yesterday to ask for an extension (I’m publishing via them). They usually don’t give one once you’ve set up a book for pre-order but agreed to give me not one but two extensions (if needed). So now I need to set a new pre-order date and if I don’t meet it they have promised another 30 day grace. (Stupid promise, to be honest, and not great for my self- discipline.) Anyway, I am now toying with a 1 February or 1 March release.

SAY CHEESE

How do you feel about having your photograph taken? I used to hate every photo of me, but then listened to my kids (and my mom) who thought the photos were great. I realised that I need to get over myself and just allow photos to be taken, because one day that’s all the kids will have to remember our moments. So I kind of take a deep breath each time someone takes out a camera for candid shots, and live through it. (I still hate almost all the photos. There is an exception to this, though: I really enjoy being professionally photographed. I don’t know why, but I actually revel in the process even when I am not always crazy about the results). 

I heard an interesting theory from a professional photographer: the reason most of us hate photographs of ourselves (even when other people love them) is because the “us” in photographs is not the “us” we are used to. The only way we view ourselves is in a mirror, which is literally a reflection of ourselves. (What we see us our right side in the mirror others see as our left side). But a photo is a replica of how other people see us (what they see as our actual left side is the actual left side in the photo). To us, tseeing that in the photo seems bizarre, and we instinctively don’t like it. To others, it is exactly what they are used to. But if we flip the photo horizontally (easy to do with digital apps), most of us will be much more pleased with the “new” image because that’s the “us” we are used to seeing in the mirror!

(Side note: I have threatened many times to make a challenge to take and post a selfie every day. I still see tremendous value in this, and might just do it one day. A friend of mine did it, and said it was so freeing and empowering to just let go and enjoy literally making snapshots of memories and sharing them. Maybe in 2025, but in meantime there is one above 😂 ).

HOPELESS LOVE

I’ve always thought Ben Affleck is the dumbest smart man in earth. He lost such an amazing woman with his dumb-ass behavior. And deep (deep!) down inside I am a hopeless romantic and always wanted these two to get over their (his!) shit and get back together. (In real life, I am actually actually a cynic when it comes to relationships, which is not something I recommend to anyone).

TIME DIMENSIONS

So it’s almost the end of the year, and you probably are wondering where exactly the year has gone. It seems that as we get older, time flies by faster. There’s a science-based reason for that, and has a lot to do with how the brain works.

The brain is designed to keep us safe, and to conserve its energy (it’s already the most energy-intensive organ in our body). So when we do the same thing day in day out, in the same way, our brain stores this not as individual memories of each event (energy intensive), but as a collective memory of one event. This is why days blur together, and we end up saying things like “I did xyz on Monday…or was it Tuesday? No it was Monday…actually it could have been Wednesday”. Because little exists to differentiate between the days, the days’ memories merge together. And when days blur together, they seem to go by faster. 

Routine is the culprit, and adding novelty to life is the solution. In order to remember our days as well-lived and not as just a blurred experience we have to add intentional novelty to our every day.

This is especially important in relationships, and it’s why new relationships are always so much fun. They are literally filled with new experiences by definition, and so we experience more “individual” days and fewer blurred ones. When I think back on my relationship with G, in the (rather few) months we have been together I have done a lot of new things with him: I’ve travelled to new places, I’ve hiked, I’ve eaten new food, I’ve camped, I’ve pushed myself physically, I’ve met new people, I’ve learnt new things, I’ve gained new perspectives. G has also had the novel experience of sharing all this with me. That’s why new relationships are so exciting - everything is novel. The trick is to keep the novelty alive, and not fall into a rut. That’s a 2025 challenge for all of us.

The good news is that novelty doesn’t have to be extravagant. I think there are two modes: you can introduce mini-novelties (take a different route to work, change up what music you listen to, change your regular coffee order, etc). Introducing these small-scale changes builds a habit of rejecting constant routine. It will also train our brain to willingly accept novelty (since our brain wants to keep us safe, it does not naturally encourage new experiences, even if routine makes you miserable. Better miserable than dead.) The other novelty-seeking mode is to look for opportunities for mega-novelty. Do big things that you either wouldn’t do, or do them differently. Step out of your comfort zone. Regularly add intentional intrigue, excitement and challenges, individually and with your partner. Doing this will have flywheel benefits too (you will meet new people, will expand your identity, stay fit, discovery new sources of joy etc etc). And, of course…your life will feel better lived.

TL;DR: Be intentional about adding novelty to your life. Track it!

Be audacious.

ODDS AND ENDS

📣 Some people do end-of-year reviews, but I take the opportunity to clean out my digital spaces instead. The intention is to clean out stuff I no longer need, but honestly that is so time-consuming I just declare “Digital Bankruptcy” and the process mostly involves “Select all” » “Dump into 2024 archive”. And in true tradition, I promise myself to keep my stuff much better organised in 2025 (Spoiler alert: it isn’t going to happen).

📣 As part of my December gift to myself, I am subscribing to Apple TV and gifting myself the time to watch some their phenomenal series. Apple TV has some seriously good stuff, and if you have some down time I strongly recommend you check it out. I will report back, of course, on any extra special gems I discover.

📣 End of year is a good time to reflect on what/who we are thankful to have in our lives, but don’t forget that we should also be grateful for the people and things we no longer have. The ability and willingness to cull unhealthy things is definitely something that deserves gratitude.

📣 Pareidoila is the “tendency to perceive a meaningful image in a random visual pattern”. Here are some cute/cool examples:

MOVIES

Nik and I watched The Talented Mr Ripley, and to quote him: we “didn’t realise this movie is about a serial killer”. Which it is! I thought it was very good nevertheless, and I could spend hours discussing the mental makeup and motivation of the killer. The cast was spectacular! Jude Law was gorgeous, and there was Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, Phillip Seymor Hoffman and James Rebhorn. (I am now going to watch the Netflix Ripley eight-episode series in December. It’s said to be exceptional) 

Next week we are watching The Conclave, which is rumoured to be brilliant. “When Cardinal Lawrence is tasked with leading one of the world's most secretive and ancient events, selecting a new Pope, he finds himself at the center of a conspiracy that could shake the very foundation of the Catholic Church.”

Thanks for reading!

That’s it for this week. (Want more? You can find past editions here). I hope you have a great weekend and upcoming week. Please keep sharing /forwarding to your friends/groups 😄 . You can also email me privately by hitting reply on this email.

PS