Hi ! Welcome back. It’s now officially September, so basically just-about-the end of the year!  You know I’m right! This week I am thinking and writing about impossible hikes, death on social media, men who steal and how I actually really just want to be a lifelong academic- Eve D.❣️

Week in review…

🥾 I went on that big hike I told you about last week. I have a lot more to say about it, so see below for the full story. In the meantime, here is proof of life, and proof of Africa’s beautiful landscapes:

🍽️ It was a weekend of good food! Friday night we went out for pizza and beer, Saturday night (post hike) we went out for Indian - which has now become my favourite cuisine by far - and on Sunday G made pork belly with a side of German spatzle which we both love. Kids and I are also in the “ice-cream and strawberries” phase of life, because it’s spring!

💪 Other than that big hike, I did no workout or walks this week. This is very much related to that big hike we will be discussing shortly. The best I managed was a couple of visits to the gym where I sat in the sauna and “swam” in the pool. (By “swam” I mean I enjoyed being in the water while doing no work whatsoever). This is a very good lesson about how pacing oneself is so important: one arduous and over-ambitious hike derailed a lot of mental and physical progress. Not to worry, I shall pick myself up again next week.

🖥️ I worked, and worked, and worked. Either surrounded by animals, or by cake. Either works for me, to be honest.

✏️ The NYT paywalled the Mini crossword last week! The cheek of it! Kids and I would solve it every day after dinner (together with Wordle, Connections and Pips). Anyway, much as I am not a fan of the NYT, I am now a paid-up subscriber on the family plan. Which I guess was NYT’s actual game all along. 🙄 

Food for thought:

About that hike…

G suggested we visit the Dome Pools over the weekend. Located about 2 hour drive away, the hike is described as “of intermediate difficulty: approximately 4km to the pools and 4km back with steepish ascents and descents, and takes 1-2 hours one way. … a wilderness hiking venue, involving an easy walk over a hill and along a stream to some of the biggest and deepest rock pools in the Magaliesberg, making it a fantastic venue for swimming in the summer months”.

First of all, “1-2 hours” my foot. It took me 3 hours one way. Second of all, there might be an “easy walk” (in itself questionable) but G and I decided that’s for novices and that we would walk in the gorge, up and down all the rocks. I don’t regret this, and would do it again because it’s gorgeous and interesting…but my god it was difficult. (I should emphasise it was difficult for me. For G it was a breeze).

When I thought I had absolutely nothing left to give, we eventually reached the top where we were pretty much alone for most of the time. G had brought a little stove, an Aeropress, coffee, lunch, cookies and fruit (!!!!!) and so we enjoyed all that while also enjoying the glorious scenery and air. The pool water was beyond freezing…I tried to swim but my feet were painfully sore within seconds. G, of course, swam right across the pool and back.

At this point I was still mostly okay. I had enjoyed the walk, difficult as it was, and was relatively proud of myself. The problems started on the way back. We agreed we would take that “easy” path back but that came with two problems: first, this wasn’t a “downway all the way” walk, since we had to go over multiple ridges and through various gorges (in total we did about 500m of ascent). Second, it was hot and the first part of the walk is fully exposed to the sun. I think that was my problem. My body really started to take strain, and I am quite sure G thought he would have to send in the helicopters or carry me out on his back. It took forever to get back, and there were moments where I honestly did not think I had the strength to take one more step. This part of the walk also had very steep climbs which involved me climbing ten steps, sitting down and resting, and then repeating over and over again. G was very patient!

Lots of thoughts on this. First, I was massively disappointed with myself. I really felt as if I had put in the work to make these types of hikes easy, or at least easier, and clearly that is not the case. Second, I need to stick to my known limitations, one of which is to not hike in the height of heat. This was my main problem. All the hikes I’ve done so far were in the cool of the day, intentionally. I know very well that my Waldenstrom causes temperature control issues (among other serious issues which also affect my ability to hike), but I thought I had cheated the system on this. Clearly not. I am not quite sure what to do about this. Avoiding heat is not really a good strategy, especially if one lives in South Africa. I think I will start taking very short hikes in the heat, and see if I can work up to something longer. Third, I need to work on endurance as well as strength at the gym. I’ve been mostly concentrating on the latter, and clearly that is not good enough. Fourth, patient as G is, our physical abilities are totally mismatched. and I need to remember this. Plus, he is a literal ex-elite athlete in two sports so has a completely different mindset when it comes to “just fucking doing it”. I envy this approach, but I do not share it 🤣 🤣 .

To my credit, even when I was at my weakest I still never regretted being on the hike, and I not once cursed G for suggesting it 🤣. And, I’ve already told him I want to go back. Nevertheless, I spent the whole week half-comatose. It really took me days to recover my strength and my mental state. 

The “mental state” was significant. I was sad and disappointed. During the hike, the one thought that kept on repeating on a loop was: I’m not ready to do the Camino. The whole point of the Camino is to go and relax while walking, get into a meditative state, do lots of thinking and enjoy the process. I thought I was more than ready. But if walking 10km in slightly difficult terrain had this effect on me, walking 25km every day for 30 days is just nuts. I don’t want to be “praying for survival” during my walks, it defeats the purpose. G thinks I am over-reacting and that I should at least try to walk the Camino but I honestly do not think I can or that I should. At least not this year. I am really devastated by this, and feel very let down my myself. All of this has been very humbling. 

The things that men steal…

Ha Ha! Sob! Sob! I laughed at this one, and then I wanted to cry. A woman on Threads posted “Since women are known for stealing man’s hoodies, name some things men are known for taking from women?” First of all, I’ll confess the hoodies part: I’ve been known to steal hoodies and t-shirts from my men, and they are always my favourite items of clothing. But let’s not digress. There were over eight thousand replies to the Threads question, and they all conveyed the same sentiment. I suspect you have a good idea of what sentiment that is, exactly. The commenters accused men of stealing: 

• Our sanity 

• The light in our eyes 

• Our feelings of safety 

• Our will to live 

• Our scientific discoveries

• Our labour 

• Our last nerve 

• Our dignity 

• Our mental health 

• Our body autonomy, 

• Our life 

• Our careers 

• Our last name 

• Our good credit etc etc etc

And mind you, we all know it’s not all men, but it’s enough men. Because it doesn’t take that many, does it?? Anyway, it was sobering to read 8,000 women rise up in arms and unite in our plight.

On death and dying:

Whenever I hear of someone passing, I have to know how they died. I know it’s not really my business but I also don’t think this is just morbid curiosity - I prefer to think of it as a form of empathy for the persons’ last days of life. It also gives me insight into what the family is feeling. For example, if someone dies after a long illness I will assume the family is more prepared for the death than if someone dies in a car accident or by their own hand.

One “trend” I have noticed on social media is people “slowly dying in public”, especially on YouTube or IG reels. This sounds pretty bad, but it’s actually a very touching, poignant process. Usually it starts with someone announcing a terminal illness. Then, they share their journey through various treatments and options, until they reach a point of no return and start sharing the process of coming to terms with their imminent death. At some point, they stop sharing updates, and then a family member or friend posts a RIP message. Sometime, the person will have left a Goodbye Video, usually starting with “If you are watching this, it means I have passed…”. 

I have watched more than a couple of these journeys, over the years, from strangers and from celebrities (Shannon Doherty, Bruce Willis) and they have taught me a lot about life, death, illness and the process of dying. I’m fascinated by the mental state of people who know they have limited time left, and the mental state of their loved ones as they accept this reality. This is the current one I’m watching and I admire Kim’s grace, courage and peace, much as my heart breaks for her and her husband:

There aren’t many surprises: people don’t want to die, they eventually come to peace with reality and the people who suffer most are the ones who are left behind, watching their loved ones deteriorate before their eyes. But there is something relatively new, I think, which is this sense that we are more in control of our death than I believed. I now understand how hospice works, that pain is not unavoidable and that there are ways to ease the process if the suffering becomes too much (including voluntary euthanasia in some parts of the world). But mostly I am seeing many patients opt out of arduous treatments that prolong life (usually only by months) but also decrease the quality of that life (side effects). Retaining agency over our life, death, bodies is a strength.

Also, it’s worth stating the obvious: we are all dying, and we will all die. We don’t have to wait until we receive actual medical confirmation of this process to live our best life, now. (See my first “shower thought”, below!)

Shower Thoughts: 

🚿 Warren Buffet would trade all his wealth to swop places with you, and if he offered you the deal you wouldn’t take it. In the eyes of Warren Buffet, you are the billionaire. - h/t Daniel Priestly

🚿 I am a big fan of Ryan Holiday (Daily Stoic fame), and enjoyed his recent tweet where he said we should be willing to pay the taxes of life gladly. Example: annoying people are the tax for being outside your house, delays are a tax on travel, haters are a tax on having a YouTube channel etc. So now when things annoy or upset me, I try to think of it as the price of doing xyz. Trick is to find the xyz, and understand that it can only be enjoyed if the tax is paid. Nice little re-frame!

🚿 Do you know/remember Elizabeth Holmes? She was the CEO of Theranos, the company that lied about its ability to diagnose illness from a drop of blood. I read the story (Bad Blood) and was gob-smacked at how blatant, audacious and deceitful she was. But also, how very prominent people (think, Bill Clinton) just fell for her bullshit. She fought the charges for years, but eventually ended up in prison. Her story is fascinating, and it’s worth reading the book and following her court battle/marriage/pregnancy etc. Anyway, she is now somehow on Twitter (while in prison) and… is as audacious as ever. Honestly, I take my hat off to her. No shame, no drama. She’s “back”, and she’s telling the world loudly and proudly. And you just know when she get released (probably sooner rather than later) she will easily step back into the business world as if nothing happened. I am not sure if I envy people like that, or if I’m disgusted by them.

On the shoulders of giants…

I could easily be a life long student. I’d pass my days attending classes, doing the readings and participating in class discussions. When Micole took me around her campus earlier this year, all I could think about was….whether I could go back to school when my kids are out the house? (Answer: yes!). I wouldn’t care about getting degrees or top grades, and I can’t see myself pulling all nighters to study for exams, but otherwise I would take it seriously and would soak up the knowledge and satisfy my curiosity. 

So I was intrigued by a tip someone shared with me recently. Around this time of the year, early September, University Professors in US and European colleges start sharing their syllabi with their students. These syllabi are often public, and include a well thought out synopsis of topics on a per-lecture basis, as well as the full reading list. So, if one is so inclined, it is possible to search through courses of any University, find a topic that appeals, and download the syllabus for own perusal. Then, as a personal project you can simply go through the full reading list at your own leisure. Sure you won’t attend classes, but that’s kind of the point. You obtain insight into a topic you find interesting, and learn about it at your own pace. (And if you really want to attend lectures, then there are hundreds of lecture series from the top Universities on Coursera and EduX, that you can access for free or for very little money.)

I’ve been watching…

This week we watched The Thursday Murder Club, which is the cast-maxed Netflix version of the popular book. I enjoyed it, as a gentle way to pass two hours. The movie is cute, and totally character driven (please do not expect an intricate, clever plot). If you’re not familiar: the four characters live in a (gorgeous!) retirement space in the English countryside and meet every Thursday to discuss old, cold murder cases. Until there is a murder (or two??) right in their village and they decide they will solve that one too. A bit of Murder, She Wrote vibes coming through.

Next week we are watching the new Naked Gun. Hopefully it’s funny.

Looking ahead…

I think Zac and I are going to take a little trip next week, just the two of us. We’ve all been working hard (Micole is still working hard and can’t get away to join us) and we need a break. It has been a tough week or two for me, so I am looking forward to it, and will hopefully have photos to share next week 😁 . In the meantime, still lots of work to do (this is by far my busiest time of year) but I won’t forget to stop and smell the roses, enjoy the sun and have an ice cream or two. Hope you have a great weekend!

Thanks for reading!

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