Hi ! Hope you survived all the Halloween treats and tricks. This week I am thinking and writing about networking, Lily Allen, open relationships, the post office and shoe collections. Also, I’m giving you homework- Eve D.❣️

🤦 I’ve learnt my lesson! Last week I was tired, and I sent the newsletter out on Sunday instead of a Saturday, and as a result it got the lowest open rate of any newsletter I had ever written here 🤪 . So: if you missed it, go find it in your inbox and open/read it (Search for “Chinese or Indian” in your inbox). (But, good things come from mishaps, see below).

🎄 And time is definitely moving, isn’t it? Can you believe it’s already November? Allow me to remind you that on November 15th (which very conveniently is a Saturday) I am going full Christmas-mode. I can taste it already. In the meantime, there are 61 days of the year left, which G would tell me is about 20% of the year, so lots and lots of opportunity to get stuff done. But I’m tired!

Week in review…

😎 The past weekend was chill, and fun. I watched water polo, G and my kids hung out at a local market for lunch, we (G) cooked (I did assemble a salad), and I drank a lot of wine. So, in other words, a brilliant time all around.

🎤 Monday morning I attended my first networking / hanging-out-with-old-friends event in years (and years) and it was as much fun as I thought it’d be (…eventually, see below), and now I cannot wait for the next one.

🎒 Micole has been studying for her last exam; Zac is done with school for the immediate future, and has chosen his IGCSE subjects for the next phase. Four more years of school for him (3.5yrs if he applies himself, sigh) and I am torn between let’s make it count and o-m-g I can’t wait until I don’t have to cook. Either way, as we all know, time is flying and it’s important to enjoy every moment.

🤷‍♀️ Other than that, the usual. Gym, pilates, coffees, tutoring my maths student (who is also writing exams, poor kid), work, work and more work. Did my nails. Bought some some new summer clothes and then had to give them back because the pants did not have pockets, ffs. We’ve had massive rainstorms which is regenerative for both my garden and my soul.

Old Saints’ Day

Today is 1 November, otherwise known as All Saints’ Day in Poland. It’s one of the most important dates on the Polish calendar, when everyone visits cemeteries where their loved ones are buried and lights lots and lots candles. It is beyond gorgeous, and everyone should experience it at least once in their lifetime. I’m sorry I’m missing it (again!) this year.

If my mother was alive she would be lighting candles here, in her South African home. Instead, kids and I will light a couple in her honour, and my dad’s. 😥 🕯️ 

My networking fiasco, that turned out well

My morning networking breakfast started out as a disaster. I went with all best intentions to meet new people, arrived early and instead of sitting at a 8-seater table, I chose to sit at a 2-seater one. Rookie mistake. I watched people arrive and gather in groups around the bigger tables, while I sat like a frozen idiot by myself. Lots of people came by to say “hi”, but then after a quick chat they moved on, while I…still sat alone like an idiot. I was once again reminded at my bipolarity: I am so eager to meet new people (I really am) but I am also loathe to actually do it. Can’t explain it.

Anyway, after the event talk was done, and it was definitely time to mingle and chat I gave myself a stern talking to, got up, took my chair and squeezed myself into the nearest 8-seater with a simple “hope you don’t mind if I join you”. Which is how I made four new friends, and reconnected with 2 old ones! We stayed at that table waaaay past the event’s finish time and chatted, chatted and chatted. We also skinnered, which is South African for “spilled the tea”. It was fun, like I always knew it would be.

And btw, my next year’s goal is to get myself back on the stage and talk. Haven’t done that in years, and it’s time. It’s going to be tough, daunting, cringy and terrifying…but I am going to do it. You heard it here first.

🔥 OK. I need your help to pull off something a bit unusual: 🔥 

I am going to do something absolutely nuts. I know it’s nuts, but I’m going to do it anyway. I got the inspiration just this afternoon, and for a change I am not overthinking it, I am just saying I’m going to do it, and then I’m doing it. I do need your help (and your enthusiasm) to get it off the ground.

First, let me give you some background. Lately, I am feeling very despondent about the state of the world (me and you, I’m sure). I honestly don’t know where we as humankind are headed, but the direction and the pace we are moving leaves me in despair. I feel we are losing touch with ourselves, and we are slowly being eaten alive by the digital monster we have created, and that we continue to feed. Add to that the shitshow of the geopolitical climate, and the general uncertainty of the future and it’s all a bit (a lot)…urgh. I think about this plenty, and I always come back to the same thing: we need more one-on-one connected-ness, away from the digital world. I know I do (example: see networking event, above).

I opened up this newsletter today by telling you I had the lowest open rates last week. How pathetic! No, not the open rates. What’s pathetic is that I religiously check these stupid stats. I actually write this newsletter not for any stats but because I enjoy writing it, and I enjoy the randomness of you sometimes reading it, and sometimes not, and that some of you write back to me and chat, and others don’t. It’s all brilliant. But the digital world has made it all about metrics, and open rates, and engagement rates, and growth rates and blah blah blah. I am sick of it. I want a simple, cord-free life, even if only for some fleeting moments of time.

So.

🥳 In addition to this newsletter, I am going to write a physical letter, once a month. I am going to handwrite it, make copies, and put them into pretty envelopes, and include some other small goodies, and I will handwrite the addresses, and lick the stamps, and go to the post office and physically post them. And these envelopes will fly across the world, and some will get to their destination, and some will get lost, and some of the recipients will write back, and some won’t, and there will be nothing digital to track, just me making some new friends around the world the old fashioned way. And some of you will get the joy of receiving mail that is not a bill, or an online order, or junk.

It’s mad, because: it costs a lot of time and some money, is not scaleable, can’t be monetised and who knows if it will even work. But that’s the beauty of it! I am cutting the digital cord and going back to old school. It will be a fun experiment and I am super excited.

My idea is to do this once a month, for 13 months. I’ll start in December 2025, and finish December 2026. Obviously it’s opt-in only, it won’t affect this newsletter, and I will probably limit it to 25 people max, although it will be just fine if only 5 people want to participate 😃 . (Note: 25 people is nothing in the world of social media and newsletters, but it is so many in the world of pen pals; this is the whole point!).

If you are interested in receiving a physical letter from me once a month, this is how it’s going to work:

1. You fill in the form with your details.

2. I handwrite the letter and make copies, add flourishes, stickers, etc and put each in a cute envelope.

3. If appropriate, I will add a personal, hand written note just for you.

4. I handwrite your address, and stick on a (hopefully beautiful) stamp.

5. I go to a post office and post it. (Haven’t been in a post office in about 30 years!).

6. Some time later, you receive it! You can read it (I hope you do!), and you can respond if you wish, but you really don’t have to. If you do, it would be fantastic if your reply was handwritten and posted too!

7. What will be inside? Who knows????

8. Following month, we’ll repeat!

Please come and sign up! It will be fun! (And tell your friends. The idea is to meet even more new people).

The little ways we cope…

This is my Youtube history. And it’s a glimpse into how I deal with the world. On the left is a video about how AGI will probably destroy humanity with 12 years, unless we take drastic measures. On the right is a video about how to choose the perfect collection of shoes.

Both these matters need my immediate attention.

I’ve been listening…  

I’m going to be honest. Until this week I had barely heard of Lily Allen. Now, everywhere I turn, I am bombarded by her album, aka The Breakup Album of 2025, aka West End Girl which she wrote in just 10 days. The album is a 14 song chronicle of the breakup of her marriage, brought on by her husband’s infidelity. I am going to give you some background (if you don’t know it), then we are all going to listen to it, and then boy oh boy are we going to discuss it. (The discussion will have to wait to next week though…this newsletter is already loooong).

So, back in 2020 or so Lily Allen and her then-husband David Harbour (Stranger Things) bought a brownstone in NYC, and moved there with their kids. Then, Lily Allen got the lead role in West End play, and moved to London for a while. While there, her husband called her and told her he wants an open relationship. All this is documented in the first song, West End Girl.

Rules are put in place. Example: the non-monogamy has to be with strangers. For cash. “We had an arrangement / be discreet and don’t be blatant/ there had to be payment/ it had to be with a stranger”.

But of course, things didn’t work out like that. “It was how you grabbed your phone back right out of my hands / Who the fuck is Madeline?”.

The rest of the songs take us through the discoveries of affairs, the break up of the marriage, her entering the dating pool, and reconciling the fact that her ex-husband is to blame for it all. The album is moody, and rhythmic, and honestly quite heartbreaking yet beautiful. I haven’t listened to the whole thing yet (I think we all get a little bit of PTSD while listening to it, because who of us has not been there?).

Like I said…this album has taken the online world by storm. To me, the big question is: is it okay to write this publicly about another person, even if that person has betrayed you and broken your heart and your trust? I am leaning towards a “no”, but my stance is nuanced and I have a lot more to say (and a lot to think about). That’s for next week! (But listen to it in the meantime; that’s your homework).

I’ve been watching…

We watched A Haunting in Venice which quite frankly was as scary as I can tolerate a movie to be (in other words, not too scary, but scary enough). It is a Hercule Poirot series, based on an Agatha Christie book, and it’s a perfect movie to watch in the last week of October, but I am not sure I’d recommend it at any other time. 

I have not watched anything else, for weeks it seems like. I am going to make up for it in December (she says, every year, but never does).

Looking ahead…

Another busy week ahead. This weekend we are watching rugby with friends, who are coming over for a braai. Monday Micole writes her board exam (then exams are done!). I am miles behind on work, so will need to make a plan (it’s not lack of time, it’s lack of getting off my butt and doing it). I am making times for friends, and maybe, just maybe I will go on a hike. Maybe. Have a great weekend and week!

Don’t forget to sign up for my “letter-in-the-post” !

Thanks for reading!

Want more? You can find past editions here.

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

P.S.

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