Hi ! Ho! Ho! Ho!  This week I am thinking and writing about African farms, control freaks, perfect gifts, men who do nothing, men who do everything, and the good old days. - Eve D.❣️

A quick one from me this week, as I attempt to do five days work in three. (Not going well, lol). 

1.. 🪣 Housekeeping
I’ve cleaned out this email list. It makes no difference to you (you’re still clearly on it!) but I removed everyone who hadn’t opened a newsletter in 4+ weeks (I did email to tell them first). Now, the list is smaller, and small, but that’s perfectly perfect. It also has an amazing open rate, lol. I feel very happy with all this. I’ve also added a comment functionality, although I have no idea how it actually works, and I won’t know until I publish, I guess? I do know that if you want to comment, you will have to log in (once) with the email address that you use to receive this newsletter. Worth a try? Maybe we can all start chatting with each other?

2.. 🗒️ Brief recap: 
By the time you read this, G and I will have been at the farm for 3 days. I say “farm”, but there are no cows where we are going 😃 . It’s an African farm, and not in a “let’s go see if we can spot an elephant” kind of way. More of “I know there are leopards here somewhere because look, here is a skull of a baboon it ate” kind of way. (This last one is a real conversation I had with G.). Anyway, this place is remote (G’s 4x4 barely makes it there) and to be honest I am quite nervous; if something happens (something = snake bite) we are fucked. There are also no fences or any other barrier that separates us from nature. There are remote cameras on the farm, and this is the kind of visitors they spot, prowling in the night:

Also…there is no electricity or signal there at all. When it’s dark, it’s dark. There is a certain kind of dread that engulfs me when I realise it’s going to be me, myself and Eve for 4 days. No real place to hide from thoughts. Quiet. Peace. The mountain (yes, it’s actually a mountain) has its own energy, and it’s not always friendly.

So, all this to say: who knows what awaits us? Let’s hope it’s all good. But, hey, I’m also excited. G is stuck with me for 4 days with nowhere to run. I’m going to talk his head off and in return he will take me hiking. Again. 😂 .

FFS…

This opportunity to run away has come just in time, because I need a cool-off period. I had an upset this week, due to the seemingly-generous-but-in-reality-extremely-selfish actions of a person who is in my tight circle. Something that should have been a joyous event for everyone was hijacked by this person and ruined for almost everyone else. I’m still fucking livid.

It reminded me how dangerous passive aggressive people can be. They function at the level of mastery in manipulation and control, and are so good at what they do that the people they are doing it to don’t even realise what is happening. What at first seems like a generous gesture, once examined, becomes an exercise of control, manipulation and (in my case this week) downright disrespect. And I wasn’t even the target of their actions, just a bystander! I am once again reminded: when people show you who they are, listen. 

These types of people are so slick they leave you doubting your own gut reaction. And this is where good friends are crucial. I have “whose car are we taking?” friends (see clip below), and I am so grateful for them. They delivered. Being heard is the most precious gift one can receive.

🎄 It’s officially Christmas Season! I open mine on Nov 15, which for you might be today, but for me is two days from now, so it’s still a bit difficult to get into the spirit. I shall try. 

1.. 🎁 Perfect gifts
Isn’t this a great gift for dog lovers? You put the dog’s poo into a bag, fill the bag with helium and it floats away high into the sky! You don’t have to worry about carrying smelly poop around. Love it. ❣️ 

Just kidding! But it is funny, no! You can buy this empty box (as pictured above) and put your real gift inside. Person unwraps it, thinks “WTF?” and starts questioning your sanity, and you can roll on the floor laughing. (I am already laughing as I write this). Available on Amazon.

2.. 🎬️ Movie
It wouldn’t be Christmas without cheesy Hallmark movies set in picturesque New England towns, but I see Amazon Prime is coming to the party too. Michelle Pfeiffer is one of my favourite actresses (I much preferred Grease 2 to Grease 1) and this movie launches early December. I cannot wait!

3.. 📺️ Christmas Ads
It also wouldn’t be Christmas without a stellar John Lewis ad, and this one…delivers. I think everyone who watches it will find exactly the interpretation they need.

4.. 🤖 AI does Christmas
See how many things you can spot wrong with this image. I see at least five. (Which, coincidentally, is also how many legs the Reindeer has 🤣)

The good old days…

💌 Remember I wanted to send snail mail? And then some of you were all like “Letter? What’s that?”. Well, this week I found out that Denmark is doing away with letter delivery. I mean, that’s now taking things to the extreme, no? No birthday cards? No love letters? No postcards? (The fact that I haven’t sent or received those in 25 years is irrelevant). Fun fact: my mother would - almost until her dying day 4 years ago - take digital photos, print them out, annotate each of them at the back with long stories, put them into an envelope, and mail them off to her friends/family in Poland. Then, for months after she would call them and ask “did you receive my letter?”, to which half would eventually say yes, and the other would say no, and my mother would be both elated and pissed off, at all times. 

Here is a postcard I sent to my parents from my University days (I was in the US, they were in SA). It’s in Polish and in terrible handwriting so I’ll translate you: I tell my parents how a I got an A for a philosophy exam I was sure I failed (#truestory, I still remember this), how I was one of 5 students chosen for the University’s travelling debate team (even though I was a freshman) …and note my enthusiasm for Clinton as President in the upcoming election (this would have been 1992) and the patriotic US stamps 😂 . And I was already referring to myself as EveD, even then! To be honest, I’m surprised I wasn’t asking them to #sendmoremoney 😂 . I’m thrilled I have this little piece of history, and I’m grateful my mom kept it (of course she did).

Let’s sherlock everyone 

Laura sent me a link to a reddit that talks about how a woman live-tweeted “a situation at her home. It involved family members assuming that she would do all the labor associated with having a birthday party for her niece at her own home, without being asked if she wanted to. So, this woman decided to not. Not prep the house. Not make the cake. Not cook the food. Not do a damn thing. She decided to step back and let everyone else do all the work she'd previously done.” I love it! Can you imagine the chaos! The disbelief! The ugliness going on behind her back as others had to do the work they signed her up for. Ha ha.

The woman’s social account is “I am sherlocked”, so now we have a new vocabulary: people who suddenly have to do things for themselves “have been sherlocked”. I know you also love this, because I know you’ve all been there. The amount of mental load and grudge work that woman have to carry is insane.

But! I am living - at least some of the time - a different story now. G carries most of the mental load in our relationship. Example: this farm trip we are taking. My sole job is to show up at my front gate at 6am tomorrow morning. I don’t have to bring anything other than my clothes and personal stuff. G has: organised all the food and drinks (!!), prepped (and serviced) the car, packed the car, charged the batteries, charged the fridge, planned the route, worked out the schedule, checked the weather report (and updated me regularly), ensured we have what we need to be warm, ensured we have what we need to be safe (including a GPS based tracker that would initiate a helicopter rescue) etc etc. I offered to help, but it fell on deaf ears. It’s a bit disorientating, to be honest, to not have to do anything. On the other hand, I am in charge of everything back in my house (and it’s exhausting! Like, completely life draining). So I’m very grateful for G, and I hope he knows it (I do tell him!).

What I watched…

Nothing, since it’s only Wednesday morning (we are watching Good Fortune tonight). But! A reader of this newsletter sent me a whole bunch of the most amazing links to read/watch/listen (thank you, Susan!) and I absolutely love this conversation by the Frankie and Grace duo. It speaks to female friendship, and you should watch it. It’s also funny, always a bonus.

Looking ahead…

Sjoe, this newsletter has turned out longer than I thought it’d be 🤣 !My goal for the next few days is to survive the weekend, and have a lot of fun doing so. And rejuvenate, think and get more in touch with myself. I’ll report back!

Thanks for reading!

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