👟👠 Of no small importance (#94)

Hi ! Welcome back. Today I am writing about AI, waterpolo, chickens on waffles, joy of doing what you love, not sweating the small stuff, dementia, fake gurus and kettle bells 😀 - Eve D.❣️

What I did this week:

🤖 I played around with AI. A lot. We live in…shall we say interesting times? Scary as fuck is what it is, let me tell you. And yes AI does much of what I (used to) do, and so much quicker, but does that leave me time to go and smell the roses? No, it does not. Instead it creates more pressure to do even more. (Please note: I do not use AI to “write”. Why should you take time to read something I didn’t have time to write?). Anyway, I’m getting sucked in, thinking about AI and consequences, a lot. Might write about it/on it. Who knows?

🤽 I was a +1 during some high school waterpolo support. It was fun, but nail biting, and I honestly do not have the nerves to sit through difference-of-one-point scores. Related: parents sacrifice a lot for their sporty kids (and I am not sure they realise it). These parents gave up their full weekend to travel 100km to see their kids play…three days in a row. Urgh. 

Snuck in a breakfast with G while hanging out in my hood for a change, and he had (prepare yourself)…chicken on a waffle. Have you ever! For breakfast! He loved it. I had a more traditional omlette with spinach and stuff. And! G took me out for Indian, which was as good as ever, of course. Really do love that cuisine.

☕️ I have worked for hours while sitting in coffee shops this week. My local one is a treasure. They know what “my usual” is, and they leave me alone. #Grateful. I’ve also had coffee with friends, caught up with my sister, and had long chats on the phone. I had a call on Wednesday night with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while, and while we chatted I plugged in my wireless headphones and decluttered my room. At the end of the chat I felt energised by the convo, and I had gotten rid of a bag (or two) of junk. Win-win. 

🤸 Went to gym. Changed my passive pilates class to sessions with a kettle bell. That’s a proper workout! Also: it’s cheap. You can buy a kettlebell for not that much money, and then do the exercises at home at your leisure. I’m also now going to walk 5km a day, and 10km once a week. Then, I’ll do that 10km walk twice in one day, once a month (three times before my Leopards Trail hike, in May). If I really get myself organised, it would be great to do 10km hike on two consecutive days. That would take care of the “waking up and having to do it all again” part that could be problem on the trail. Also, am considering buying a weighted vest, although I agree that putting 3l of water in my backpack kind of achieves the same thing. 

🥇 I have not been watching the Olympics because I have so much work to do (see above) and because my heart breaks for all those who hope for a medal but lose out (also see above). I know, I know… nature of the beast, and all that. But heartbreaking nevertheless. Having said that, the one event I did watch was the women’s figure skating finals, and Alysa Liu energy is enthralling. If you haven’t seen the performance that won her the gold, do yourself a favour and click play. This is what pure joy looks like…and it was joy from doing what she loves. She’s only 20yrs old. We can all learn from her. Go watch (I just re-watched and still got goosebumps, especially after the 1:30 mark or so.)

What I am thinking about

🌼 I got such nice emails from some of you after my last newsletter! Lots of suggestions on how to live a more satisfied life. Honestly, just giving myself the permission to think about how to make life better is already helping things. Thanks!

🌼 I’ve been on this hill for at least a couple of years: we are moving back to the world of personal websites, blogs and owned online spaces. The problem as always, is “distribution”…if we write it, will they come? But I think we as readers are going to figure out our own solutions (RSS feeds, folder full of bookmarks etc). More and more people that I know are dumping all social media platforms, which means we are getting closer to people looking for good content rather than having it served to them by algorithms.

🌼 I went for coffee one early morning and watched a child have an absolute meltdown because parents wouldn’t buy him a hot chocolate. Like… on the floor kicking and screaming. I’m only mentioning it here because it made me really grateful that I no longer have to deal with small kids, nappies, school shit etc etc. 

🌼 Another hack I’ve discovered (or re-discovered, because I have been here before) is to deal with overwhelm by making a list of all the things that need to be done, and then literally scheduling them on the calendar, one by one, by date and time. I realise very quickly that all the “things I must do this week” cannot actually be done this week. It’s literally impossible; there’s just not enough time. Counterintuitively, this is very freeing. Once I realise that there is a real, good reason why I can’t do what I think I should do, I stop stressing about it. The overwhelm goes away. And ironically, that chilled state of mind makes me more productive than ever. Overwhelm freezes me, calm thaws me out. 

Of no small importance

When things go apeshit (often!) my favourite hack has been to reframe the chaos by thinking about its consequences in 5 years time. Almost nothing that happens today will have any long term impact. I find this to be a great diffuser of tension and stress. So…if I’m getting frustrated because I can’t find my keys, and am going to be late for a meeting, I can stop and think what the consequences of this slight delay will be in 5yrs time. I then have little option but to calm down. Cute little hack. But now I think this approach is very misplaced. Allow me to explain. 

Over the weekend, I attended that water polo game I mentioned earlier. It was high stakes, and tight. I was getting very nervous at the possible eventual outcome (my team losing) and could feel my anxiety rising. I reached for my secret hack and told myself that the result of the match will be totally irrelevant to even the players in just a couple of months time, never mind in five years. In other words: deep breaths, relax, don’t sweat it. 

Except, except, except…. What if the players in the pool also had that attitude? What if we adopted my hack universally, and only cared about the “big” things in life, the ones that would only absolutely have an easily identified effect long term? That’d be pretty awful. I think we’d quickly fall apart. Our day is made up of little, seemingly inconsequential actions, easily forgotten but that are nevertheless the threads to a tightly woven tapestry that is our life. Picking up kids on time. Sending out that report. Dealing with a shit person. Sticking by your values. Sending your lover a “ 👋 😘 “ text. 

So how do we find a balance between the two? How do we not sweat the small stuff, and stay motivated and accountable? (Side note: I feel that “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” by Mark Manson probably holds some clues, but I haven’t read it (yet)). I guess one way is to properly identify the “small stuff”. Showing up for your kids, for colleagues at work, in your relationship or in the waterpolo pool is not small stuff. It is actually big stuff because it builds the person you are becoming. It goes to character, reputation, motivation. It has relevance and purpose. It matters. 

So: misplacing my car keys and having to apologise for being five minutes late? That’s small. Writing this newsletter on a Friday night even when I’m tired, because it’s a commitment I made to myself: that’s medium. And lifting that heavy kettlebell over my head when all I want to do is go home: that’s high.

What I found online:

💓 A love story. “This was the nightmare I had both dreaded and avoided thinking about since the day we married: the day love would collide with illness so violently that I would lose him not to death but to a locked ward. I packed him a suitcase because I knew he wouldn’t be coming home. We took a Lyft to N.Y.U. It seemed somehow inevitable that our long fourth date was going to end at the double doors of a psychiatric unit.” Read here. (Should be free to read, I hope).

⛓️ What to do if your parent has dementia. Both my parents have moved on, but I have friends with parents who have dementia, and it’s soul destroying (for everyone). And, of course, there is always the non-zero possibility that we will have dementia and will need to be looked after by our kids (if we have any). This is a good article to start the thinking process. “Dementia doesn’t destroy the patient first. At some point, the patient becomes blissfully unaware. The caregiver is the one who breaks.” Read it here.

☀️ A calm morning ritual. Your stress hormones spike by 75% in the first 30 minutes of waking up. This piece introduces a simple, soothing three-ingredient ritual to help you deal with the spike, and also to set you up for a well regulated day. (Spoiler alert: the 3 ingredients are honey, salt and water). I’m definitely acting on this. Read it here.

😡 Chopra and Epstein. This piece isn’t so much about Epstein as it is about how self-help gurus are full of shit and don’t walk their own talk. The author explains how Deepak Chopra literally wrote the book on how to deal with appearing-in-Epstein-files-4,000-times but doesn’t follow one piece of his own advice. It’s an illuminating read that will have you questioning who you actually learn from. “And he used their vulnerability to sell them content. That’s not just a failure of accountability. That’s an act of harm against the very community he claims to serve.” Read it here.

What I watched:  

I’m back to my weekly movie night with my friend 10k km away! We kicked of the 2026 season with Wake Up Dead Man, a Knives Out whodunnit with Daniel Craig. It was okay. A bit weird in places. 

Next week:

I have nothing planned, other than I have blocked out Friday for a full day of focus work and I’m already excited. (Is that sad?).

Thanks for reading!

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