👟👠 My bid for your attention...(#107)

Hi ! Welcome back! We are in the depth of winter, but the temperatures are in the high 20s and I am feeling a definite hint of renewal in the air, which usually only comes with Spring. I’ll take it. This week I’m writing about networking, sport, gaining weight, making videos, stalking crushes and bidding for attention. - Eve D.❣️

What I did recently...

🍷 I have attended a lot of networking events! This is a new thing for me to do, since the last time I was this active on “the scene” was way before Covid. I’m enjoying it, although some people can be …a lot? And as we know, I am not a huge fan of people in general:

(But I do need to say that most of the people I am meeting lately are squarely in the “women entrepreneur” group, and those people are quite lovely!). Btw, you can tell a lot about a person by where they sit at events. No hiding in the back row for me! If you ever want to find me, I’ll be sitting right here:

⚽️ The World Cup is over, thank god. It got pretty stressful there at the end. There was also Wimbledon in the middle of it, the Tour de France that finishes this weekend and the Springboks obliterating everyone in rugby. Honestly, for someone who doesn’t play sport and who almost never watched sport, I am spending a lot of time in front of the TV lately. I think I blame G (who was an elite athlete in his day, and who has a built-in understanding of all sport, that he tries to (patiently) convey to me). And yes, it is more fun to watch when you really know what’s going on (especially with the Tour de France). Seems like a good time to admit I still don’t know what the offside rule is in soccer, even though I have explained it to others so well that they understood. Don’t ask, I have no answers.

🐶 Lisa, my Boston Terrier, turned 8. As a tradition, we always take her to the vet around her birthday for her annual shots, and this is a family affair. Our vet has this industrial-like scale in the waiting room, to weigh the dogs, but of course all 3 of us weigh ourselves instead. It’s our annual check-in. Well. Well. Well!!! Micole (the archivist in the family) keeps a photo record of everything, and politely sent me this track record of my stats:

How am I putting on so much weight?? And how am I going to get rid of it?? This isn’t even about aesthetics (not entirely!). It’s also about overall health. If I keep on putting 2-3kg a year, in 10 years I am going to have a real issue that impacts my wellbeing severely, and that will be difficult to reverse.

🥾 I went for my first hike since getting back from the Leopard trail and it went like this: a) As I started, I couldn’t understand why I do this and why in the world I would ever want to do another long distance hike again. I was glad I had come to my senses! b) After about a 1km, I was thinking that this is ridiculously difficult, but actually a little bit of fun. c) When I got to the (first) peak I thought that this is a spectacular sport, and look at that view! d) By the end of the hike I determined that this had been a very good use of two hours, and I should do it at least twice a week. Go figure.

❓️ Once again, I feel like the days are flying past and I am not doing much fun with my life. But then, this:

Lights, camera, action…

📽️ I am making videos! One of the amazing ladies I became friends with at a networking event, Tiffany, was struggling to create social media video content to promote her line of work (heaven knows why, she is an international speaker, and awesome at it!) and since this is also a problem for me, we decided to create a 10-day challenge where we would shoot a video every day, and send it to ourselves (and possibly post online). And we are on #Day9 as I write this!

Funny story: I was told the best way to shoot online content was to use the TikTok platform, and then download to phone. So I did this, and then uploaded to LinkedIn without watching it in much detail (cringe!). G saw it, and in the kindest possible way said “WTF, Eve? You look like a doll and not in a good way.” And he was SO right. The f%^&ing TikTok added a filter, and made me look …weird and spooky. I figured out how to turn it off, thank God, but sjoe…that video IS out there 😆 . (Big cheer for boyfriends who will say what needs to be said! Nobody else did!)

Anyway, I am having fun!! And I have no idea what I am doing (or why!). I honestly have no agenda here at all, other than to just play around and see what happens. I would be quite content to keep making videos and have no people view them at all. Kind of like any type of writing I do, lol. (So no, I am not posting any links! 😆 ).

Old friends and old crushes ….

🏫 I had a very cool email exchange with a reader of this newsletter, who also happens to be one of the very first people I met in South Africa, in 1983 or so (good grief!). She was my classmate in Grade 4, and we stayed in the same schooling system all the way through to the end. We probably have not spoken since then! I always thought she was superbly cool (still is!), but her biggest attribute then was that she lived next door to a boy I had a massive crush on. So now here we are in 2026, in our 50s, and do we not start giggling and Googling and semi-stalking this boy to see where he ended up 🤣 . Unsurprisingly he is very successful, highly appealing and overall a good catch. I commend myself on my high standards and good taste in men, even then! 🤣 (Thanks V for getting in touch, and for making me laugh out loud!)

Three excellent reads:

1. You escape competition by figuring out who you are If you are ever frustrated about how social media is trying to get you to be who you are not, this article is a great read. It makes the case that you should just be you. (you knew that, though)

2. Looking for Alice This piece is magical! It is both a love story, and a guide on how to find someone to love.

3. Things that make me feel rich This piece is about how a woman realised the best kind of life happens when you actually decline to spend money on it. And you know what? It’s not a bad perspective at all.

Bids for attention…

John Gottman, a relationship science expert, wanted to know: what separates strong relationships from weak ones? After rigorous studies of couples, he had this to say, “..after many months of ... it dawned on me. Maybe it’s not the depth of intimacy in conversations that matters. Maybe it doesn’t even matter whether couples agree or disagree. Maybe the important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing.”’ This need for “emotional communication” or, more simply, a request to connect is known as a “bid”.

A bid can be non verbal. It can be squeeze of a hand. Or a wink. Or a “good luck” note in their lunchbox, or a kiss when they get home. But it can also be a request for information (“how was your day?”) or an eagerness to share an idea (“I’m excited by this thing!”). However it presents itself, you should always acknowledge it, and “turn towards it”. Don’t ever reject it, or dismiss it. Putting out bids is a vulnerable action, and if it’s ignores or mocked, your partner will be reluctant to bid in the future. And then communication is lost, and the relationship suffers.

And, of course, on the other side: bid often! The more bids you make, the more you are showing your partner your willingness to communicate, and connect.

What I’m reading

As I told you last week, I finished reading Olive Kitteridge and then immediately started reading Olive, again! which has the same premise: lots of short, independent stories (one chapter each) exploring the residents of a small Maine coastal town. Olive Kitteridge is a very loose-but-common thread through all of them (she is a rather unpleasant woman, actually, but you’ll love her anyway).

Below I am pasting the introduction to one of the chapters, that I thought particularly hilarious. There are no spoilers here, since this is literally the first (and last) time we are meeting these characters.

The story continues when a dominatrix enters their life (!), but not in the way you might suspect! The whole series is wonderful, and gentle. Read it!

What I watched

Ruthless People!! All the way back from 1986. Did you ever watch it? Do you remember it? Bette Midler and Danny de Vito were in top form, and the movie is funny, even today. Good old memories.

Tow. An unusual storyline about a homeless woman who takes on a towing company for charging her $21,000 to tow/store her 1991 Camry. It’s based on a true story. The casting in this movie is phenomenal and the acting is superb. I think you should watch it, although if you are expecting an Erin Brokovich type of movie you will be quite disappointed.

📺️ Apple TV. Now that The World Cup is over, I am determined to get (and watch) Apple TV. I know there are some extraordinary shows on there (first on the list is Shrinking, Season 3) but please let me know what on there you recommend.

Thanks for reading!

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