👟👠 I'm off! Wish me luck!(#104)

Hi ! Welcome back. I’m freezing, and It’s going to get worse. This week I’m writing about trails, world cups, adventure flights, haircuts and trying your best - Eve D.❣️

What’s new?

🐆 I’m finally leaving on Monday to start walking my 63km trail in the Baviaanskloof. It’s been cancelled twice in the last six weeks due to the floods, but the weather seems to be playing along nicely now (as in, it’s not raining but it is cold) so the trail is open. The road to the trail does not exist, so our little rental car had to be upgraded to a 4x4 and we are going adventuring (I’m leaving that manoeuvring up to G, dear lord). How am I feeling about it all, you ask? Numb, to be honest. The longest hike day is 22km; the longest distance I have ever walked is 10km. The average elevation is 750m/day; the most I have climbed in a day is 350m and it took me a week to recover. Now I am walking 63km and ascending 2,300m in four days. So…ha ha ha 😂 😂 ??? or omg omg omg 😲 😲 ???

Also, it’s not called Leopard Trail for nothing. This photo is from the trail cameras set out along the trail to observe animal movements etc (most of the cameras were washed away in the floods):

✏️ On the one hand, not having to write this newsletter every week has been very freeing, and it definitely opened up my weekend time to other fun stuff. On the other hand, not writing regularly here somehow translated into me not writing regularly anywhere, and that’s just not right. Have you ever replied to a WhatsApp message in your head, but forgotten to actually reply in real life? That’s me and writing. I have written tomes of stuff, but unfortunately only in my head. There is a great disjoin between thinking and writing, but my Self hasn’t caught up to this yet.

Also, by the time I actually sit down to write this newsletter, I cannot remember anything worthwhile that has happened in the past two/three weeks, which is annoying. But, I am also reminded that life doesn’t have to be particularly exciting to be fun. I have this quote written in my notebook (no clue where I copied it from), “your life is almost entirely made up of very normal days. Not the vacation, not the promotion, or the next big thing you’re counting down to. And if your regular day feels like something to get through rather than something you actually get to be in, that’s the most important information you are probably ignoring”.

I actually like my regular days, thanks. But: I shut down this work-week on Thursday-noon, at which point all the emails had been sent and no new emails were being accepted (ha ha). Which meant that I was technically on holiday for the next 10 days. The relief was immense, and somewhat worrying, to be honest. I think we underestimate how much work stress we carry (in addition to all the other stress), and it’s not good, or right. The best remedy I can suggest is to retire. Working on it.

What I did this week (and last)…

✈️ We found out Micole is going to Europe for (at least) 3 months, which is super exciting for her, obviously. She got a superb all-expenses-and-more-paid opportunity to implement data science-y and AI stuff for a European foundation. She’ll be travelling and learning, and growing up. Cool cool. If all goes well, Zac and I will join her at the start, and then go off on our own adventure. All this is a few months away though.

⚽️ The World Cup is well underway, and kids and I are glued to the screen for all the games that fall into our reasonable timezone (less than half, alas). This WC is “special” because it’s the first time that the participant pool has been extended to 48 countries (up form the usual 32) which means that we get to see countries like Curacao and Cape Verde (but still no Italy, ha ha 🤣 ). It’s awesome, and adds the right level of excitement to the tournament. For example: Cape Verde played Spain, which everyone thought would be like a 5-0 game in Spain’s favour, but it was actually a 0-0 game, and the Cape Verde goalkeeper saved something like 25 attempts on goal!!! Instant man of the match! His Instagram following went from 50k to 15 million! He said he wished his mother was there to see it but they couldn’t afford the visa fees…and, well…suffice to say she WILL be at his next game! Love love love!!! Also, South Africa scored a goal (and two red cards 🤣 ), so we are happy and hopeful!

🧶 While I watch the games, I am crocheting a granny square blanket. I need at least 80 squares, but I will probably push that to 120, so I don’t think I will finish during the World Cup, which is a pity. I am seriously thinking of taking some the wool and needle on the trail with me, even if just to see G’s face of shock 🤣 .

🎵 Taylor Swift released a new song, to accompany the Toy Story 5 movie. In unsurprising facts, Taylor knows more about music than I do: when I first heard the new song I was all “meh”, but now I’m singing “Life has ways of leaving those days behind | But seeing you tonight | I remembered I loved you | ” in the car, and the exact thing happened with her Showgirl album which I am still listening to at full volume. She knows what’s catchy and good, and I need to just believe.

✂️ I cut my hair yesterday! This is always a big event in my life because I do not go to the hairdresser often enough, but I am now going to change that and see him at least every 8-10 weeks.

What I’ve been reading…

I have repeatedly been recommended Elizabeth’s Strout’s books, starting with Olive Kitteridge, which I have now started. I realise (now) that these books are written as a collection of short stories that intertwine, and all her books happen in the same “universe”. She has a very particular style of writing, which I am not eloquent enough to describe, but it takes some getting used to. Memorable quote: “She didn't like to be alone. Even more, she didn't like being with people.” (me! me! me!)

I’ll report back when I’ve finished the first book, but so far so good.

Let’s chat…

Sorry, I’m about to get all philosophical on you. I have spent the last month or so in a very calm head space (highly unusual) and one where I have given myself permission to think things through. I could write essays on each of these topics (and have, but only in my head - see above), but I present (some of) them to you as soundbites. (None of these thoughts are original, obviously, and I have selected them from my Braindump Notebook of Ideas that is filled with concepts I want to think more about).

💥 I’ve said this before, but it really needs repeating: assume that everyone tries their best. If you find an obvious exception (some people are indeed assholes), leave the premises. But for all other situations, even when people do things that piss you off and drive you mad, just assume that everyone is just trying their best. I cannot begin to explain to you how psyche-changing this approach is. You’ll find yourself getting less angry, more accepting, and also more introspective. Also, if you give people grace they usually respond in kind. (Practice on people who cold call you to sell you insurance: they are just trying their best to make a living. Be kind.)

💥 “Learn to disappoint people, or they will design your life for you”. I don’t need to say much more on this. The obvious examples is kids who allow their parents to design their academic or career path (“you should be a doctor!”), but I think this could also be true of partners (especially wives influencing husbands) and friends. I know I’ve made decisions in my life because they were expected of me, and I’m sorry I did.

💥 “Stop asking if you are good enough for others; ask if they are good enough for you”. This is such a subtle shift, but is probably the most important approach to ensuring that you end up in a healthy relationship that helps you flourish (romantic and otherwise). If you find yourself only trying to be good enough, then just shift your thinking and demand others to be good enough for you. Best part is you don’t even have to believe this new confidence…the confidence will do its own work on your behalf and you will soon start believing that you are worth more than you thought. Thank me later.

💥 This one is going to punch you in the gut, even if you’ve heard it before (I am not apologising for it, either): Things that uniquely bother you about other people are usually either a) things you don’t like about yourself or b) things you pride yourself on. This is true at least 95% of the time. Your reaction to people’s behaviour is a mirror. You might not like what you see, but it’s there. Don’t kill the messenger. (This is not necessarily the only mirror, btw. For example, G and I have both noticed that the advice we give each other is the exact advice we should be giving (and taking) ourselves. We are introspective enough to realise this (and laugh about it) but not introspective enough (yet) to actually listen to ourselves! )

💥 “One of the biggest advantages you can develop in life is becoming hard to discourage”. I love this one, because it really applies to my relationship with G. G - by his own admission - “drowns babies” as he says, which means he will (try to) kill your darling ideas with a lot of negativity and doom the instant he hears them. In the near-two years we’ve been together, he has only liked ONE of my ideas (and it was already “proven” in any case, so he was just agreeing with evidence). Instead of being annoyed by this, I love it! I tell him an idea, even a half-baked one, and I let him rip it to shreds. Then I think about what he said, decide if his arguments are valid or if they have solid counters, and proceed from that. I don’t ask G for validation, I ask for his evaluation. I think he likes this too, because it means he can tell me what he really thinks without “hurting my feelings”. One day I’ll tell him an idea and he’ll like it, and I will then probably abandon it immediately!

💥 And lastly, “no complaining about a situation unless you’re prepared to do something to make it better”. This is a good one to throw back at your kids the next time they tell you they are bored. But it applies to other macro/micro situations too.

What I watched:  

My movie buddy is back from his holiday, and we celebrated by watching Project Hail Mary. Oh. My. Word. I absolutely loved everything about it. The way the book was adapted, the soundtrack (!!!!), the casting, the special effects (or whatever you call the skill that puts actors in space and makes us believe it). Above all, I loved the theme of frienship and kinship. A high recommend from me. (I read the book a while back, and have been recommending it to everyone, too.)

Next week:

Next week is spent offline! In my headspace! In nature! I have no idea how it’s going to go. Watch this space.

Thanks for reading!

Want more? You can find past editions here.

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

P.S.