👟👠 I finally got up on stage, and yapped...(#110)

Hi ! Do you celebrate Halloween? I think I’ve only dressed up once in my life, and that was as the front cover of Time magazine (long story, probably not worth telling). This week I’m writing about standing on stage, decorating, apple trees, (non attractive) men, Mt Everest expeditions and sentimental houses. - Eve D.❣️

What I did recently...

🎤 I did my PechaKucha talk! It went great. Far, far from perfect, but I enjoyed it and I got lots of positive feedback. It really is a brutal format..there is zero room for error, for improvisation or even a slight hesitation. I got the raw video footage of the talk today (I hired a videographer) and I cannot bear to watch more than 30 seconds of it without cringing. Chances of me posting it anywhere is looking slim at this stage 🤣 (Also, it really is the first time I have seen a long form video of my full self ever, and … I don’t hate what I see but my god I can tell those extra 7kg I have put on in the last 18 months are real. They have to go!).

☀️ We have had oppressive heat. No sign of rain; temperatures in the mid to high-30s. I’ve totally given up on working during the day in any environment that does not have aircon. Only when 6pm or so comes around, and the heat lifts, do we uncurl and start to live; it’s quite extraordinary. (Micole, on the other hand, is in single digit temperature and has darkness by 4:30pm). On the plus side, it’s summer and I am wearing dresses and lots of colour! I am living in loose swaths of cool fabric. I’m also wearing plenty of wide rimmed hats (I just bought a new one, so now I have six).

🧶 I finished crocheting my blanket (maybe). I think I might continue making more borders, and adding squares as I go along, but then again I might not. For now, it is done. I think it’s pretty, and I’m rather proud of myself for this one. I rarely finish anything crafty.

🥴 I had business cards printed!! Yep, old school style. I don’t really know why, except maybe as an act of rebellion against the digitisation and enshitiffication of everything. As a bonus point of resistance, please note how I specified that you should never call me because my phone is always on silent 😃 . I also resisted putting a QR code on them. Number of cards I’ve given out so far: 18. Of those, how many went to friends: 18.

🛏️ I am redoing my entire room. I started by ripping out the wall-to-wall carpet (I was relieved to find wooden floors underneath, because I was really expecting concrete). I then got the urge to get rid of every single piece of furniture except for the bed and a chest of drawers. This includes: a small antique makeup desk, a “president’s desk” (bigger than you thought a desk could ever be), a shelf, another shelf, a three-person couch, a storage chest and four big pieces of art. These items have lived in the room forever, and I forgot I have agency to get rid of them.

I will soon be left with a large, bare room that has two pieces of furniture and lots and lots of paperwork. (I say soon, because it’s hot, and I am lazy, and…the door of this room is 6cm narrower than a regular door (how?? why??) and moving furniture in and out is a nightmare. To make matters worse, the room sits on top of stairs. Urgh!) I’ve already got the new desk and make-up table, but will take my time placing everything because this room needs to breathe while I figure out what to do with it. And I really need to get rid of the paper. This is the artwork that I think I want on the walls:

🛏️ To make life extra difficult, Zac also decided to redo his entire room, so our house looks like we are moving out, with stuff all over any flat surface that we find. It’s exhausting but also exciting. The one saving grace is that we can use Micole’s room as a “let’s just put it there for now” room. (We are going to be paying a heavy price for this soon, but that’s December’s problem).

⚖️ I have had an admin/legal headache for years hanging over our heads, but I think, think, that this week showed that this is coming to a (very positive) conclusion, finally. If so, next year is going to be filled with much less mental load, and more gratitude and #plans.

Social Recommendation…

I found another Instagram gem! Beverly teaches us a new word every day. She explains its meaning, and then applies it to current context, so we really understand it. She has attitude, and a sense of humour, and if you want to learn what tortiloguy, kalopsia, naucify and dodoism mean…you know who to follow

Apples off a tree

A comforting truth about mankind is that no matter what we are struggling with, the chances are good we are not alone in the struggle. It can be lonely and overwhelming to believe that our problems are unique, but then it can be immensely comforting to find out that they are not. I had this happen to me yesterday, when I read this Substack: How to make something if you want to make everything. I’m going to summarize it, but I really think you should read it in full. 

The author, Ece Aybike Ala-Pettersen, writes about the overwhelm she feels due to having too many ideas about things she wants to do/write, and the guilt about not following through. But then she has an epiphany. She has a prolific apple tree in her garden. At first, at the start of the season, the quantity of apples the tree produces is manageable. Soon, not so much. The apples fall all over the garden, and become too overwhelming to deal with. They rot and die.

And yet, the tree does not care, and keeps on producing more apples. Ece sees the apples as a metaphor for her never-ending stream of ideas that overwhelm her. And the tree helps her deal with it: she now knows that not all ideas are meant to be executed. She sees that she will never run out of ideas, she will simply “fall behind them”, so she must simply honour some of them. There is also a beautiful reference to Elizabeth Gilbert’s metaphor of ideas as little pockets of energy floating from person to person. As I said, you really should read the article yourself. 

The article is great, but the comments are almost better. Because …hello! There are many, many people with whom this resonates. I am not the only one, lol! And as a result of this little Substack (the author’s first one!), I have spent today not worrying about how I am going to get to write all the things that are in my to-write list, but how I am going to give myself the luxury of accepting that I am not going to write 95% of them. I can still think about them, I can let them permeate through my body without escaping onto a page, and then I can release them. As Ece says, I can have “whole garden of ideas I have loved to death”. I have given myself permission, and grace to get rid of the rotten apples.

Gratitude for what we don’t have!

I came across this little snippet earlier this week, and it might just be one of the best things I’ve read this year. Hear me out: our happiness is based very much on what we have/do not have. There are four possible states for this:

• ✅ Things we want and that we do have (yay!) example: a roof over our heads; those sexy heels

• ❌ Things we want but do not yet have (nay!) eg: a convertible; a soulmate

• ❌ Things we don’t want but do have (nay!) eg: a mortgage; a horrible boss

• ✅ Things we don’t want and don’t have (yay!) eg: alzheimers; a terminally sick child

So, two yays and two nays. But which of these states is the largest? The last one (by far!!!): things we don’t want and do not have. And…if this yay is so large, we have more reasons to be happy than we realise! Think about it 😉 

Here is a 1 minute video from Hillel Einhorn, who articulates this perfectly. (Side note: he died within months of posting this, from cancer, at age 45).

Women don’t really like men, by default

In a recent study, it was found that men think that 68% of women are attractive, but women think only 5% of men are 🤣 🤣 🤣 . The explanation is actually quite simple: it’s easy for men to tell whether a woman is attractive because men focus on woman’s looks to determine her attractiveness. Easy to determine.

But women find men attractive not because of what they look like, but because of how they are. Kind, gentle, funny. And it’s difficult to determine that at first sight. So we err on the side of caution (big surprise!), and write off most men as a default. Can’t argue with the logic!

 What I’m reading

I seem to read books in bursts. I can read 5 in a month, and then none for six weeks - which is the phase I’m in right now. That’s ok. I have lots of books lined up, and will get back into it soon.

What I watched..

Clarkson’s Farm Finished watching this. It’s actually a remarkable show. Not only is brilliantly shot/produced/scripted, I feel as if every episode leaves me a changed person. I think more about how I interact with nature, with the food I eat and my impact on the planet. And I see real life unfold for people who at the end of the day are as ordinary as you and me: the cycles of their grief, setbacks but also the joys and wins. Life goes on.

No one wants this It’s a silly show, a perfect mindless binge watch with very appealing characters who are so very far from perfect they border on toxic. But still entertaining! And the “blood is thicker than water” theme runs strong through this show. The two main characters remind me a lot of my sister and me: we are not at all like the characters themselves, but our relationship mimics theirs closely. I think it can only be understood by people who have a tight family circle.

Sentimental Value Another film that speaks almost directly to only me. Sentimental Value refers in part to a house that a family is struggling to give up, together with their family history. It is an award winning Norwegian film (subtitled), but also stars Elle Fanning playing the stereotypical American, and doing it very well. She really is very very good.

Tenzing About the first time ascent of Mt Everest, by Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay (who was a Nepalese-Indian Sherpa). Incredible scenery, shot without a green screen, and an inspiring story about human achievement.

What I’m up to this week/month…

I told you in my last newsletter that all our public holidays were finished…so imagine my very pleasant surprise to learn that our voting day (this coming Wednesday) is a day off work! Woohoo! I shall finish organising my room on that day (After I vote, of course!). And now that we are basically in silly-season as of next week, the functions, the get-togethers and the “let’s do coffee in December” are coming home to roost. There’s still work to be done, though!

Thanks for reading!

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