👟👠 Heavy week... (#7)

Hi !  Welcome back. This week I am thinking (and writing) about heaviness, how I still mispronounce words, death rituals, Trinny who always makes me laugh and the idea that I might be turning into a good cook after all. If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can join here or by clicking the button below. - Eve D.❣️

WEEK IN REVIEW

It was a heavy week, not gonna lie. And for no good reason… just one of those weeks, you know? And when those come around, I know by now what to do… just roll with it. Let the emotions move through as they need to, give myself space and grace to deal with it all, and then… miraculously, the heaviness passes. And brings with it lightness.

This no-resistance approach is relatively new for me, but it works so well. The reality is that life is full of ups and downs… there is nothing I can do to prevent that (and since the fluctuations are actually a sign of life, I wouldn’t want to do away with them anyway). So best I remind myself that the heaviness is a phase, that it too shall pass, and that the only reason it’s there in the first place is to clean out the cobwebs for something great. I know to breathe through it, get some sunlight, plenty of sleep, and talk to friends.

I did all of that, and it was over in a couple of days. (But if you need stronger intervention, in the form of meds… don’t hesitate!) I am now in a very good mood, and look forward to the weekend.

FUN FACT ABOUT ME:

English is my second language, and I learnt it mostly from reading, not speaking or listening. The result is that even now, 40+ years after I learnt it, I have an undeniable accent and I can still mispronounce even the most common words. Case in point: yesterday my kids were on the floor laughing because they realised that I pronounce “want” and “won’t” in exactly the same way. To me they are homophones. (These kids have lived with me for 22 and 13yrs respectively, and they only realised this yesterday?? 🤣) I also say “foot” and “boot” with a long vowel sound, like in “book”, which apparently is wrong and leaves Zac laughing.

Also, because of the way I learnt English, I often will have no ability to pronounce words that I am familiar with, but haven’t actually used in speech myself. For example, just this week I had to use the term charcuterie board and I couldn’t. I knew what it looked like written, but couldn’t even start pronouncing it. Even now, as I write this, I realise I don’t know where to put the accent emphasis in charcuterie. As a result, I will never attempt to say the word, and will come up with alternatives (and yes, I know it’s technically a French word). This happens to me surprisingly often…multiple times per day. (I also mispronounce awry and banal all the time, but that’s not my fault! These words are just weird.)

Speaking of which…have you seen this series on YouTube? It’s so funny. Loic acts out English and French (and sometimes Spanish) personas, and tries to explain the idiosyncrasies of the pronunciation rules. In the video below it’s all about “Eight vs Height”. It’s really hilarious.

FUN FOLLOW:

In love with Trinny

Did you ever watch “What not to wear” with Trinny and Susannah? I loved that show! Well, Trinny now has a makeup and skincare empire in London, which is wildly successful. She also has a IG and YouTube account that is …fantabulous! She has an almost unhealthy obsession with clothes (is there such a thing?), and has an eclectic taste that sees her wearing sequins and feathers and bouncing down the streets of London. She takes us through her closet regularly, and regales the viewers with the history of where she got her outfits, some of which are now decades old.

She’s also hilarious, even when she doesn’t mean to be. I laughed my head off at her episode where she showed us what she packed in supplements for her flight to Australia. She had more stuff in that carry on than I have bought in the last five years. I’m not kidding.

She also has a makeover series, where she takes women, and remakes them with new makeup, hair and clothes. Very much in “What not to wear” style, actually, but in short 15 minute YouTube bursts. A must watch if you like makeover shows.

But the best thing about Trinny is that she is sixty years old, and is living life to the full. She is a great reminder that we really can be living the best chapter of our lives, if we just have the right attitude. And if you think it’s all been a bed of roses for her, watch this episode she did with Steve Bartlett, where she talks about her husband’s suicide, her fertility struggles, drug addiction, her near financial ruin and more. It’s a true testament to resilience and perseverance. 

She always leaves me with a smile, even if I am also shaking my head at her kookiness. A must follow.

THE ART OF DYING

Throughout the week, I collect links to stuff I want to share with you here, then on Friday night (now, as I write this), I pick out the ones I want to include. And tonight I see that I have quite a few that all deal with death on some level. Nothing too gloomy, but I thought I’d bundle them all together and get them out of the way.

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🧹 Swedish Death Cleaning 

Swedish Death Cleaning is a decluttering method that helps you clean out your crap so other people don’t have to when you die. And although the process really does benefit your survivors if you do die (my sister and I had a nightmare cleaning out my mom’s clutter when she passed away suddenly), it actually really helps you while you are still alive. The less clutter you have, the more space you have for calm and happiness. And by going through all your junk and asking yourself whether stuff is really necessary to hang on to, you not only face your own mortality but also prioritize what’s important.

For example, I had boxes and boxes of my kids artwork. One day we went through all of it, discarded 95%, kept the best ones for “later”. The reality is that even those need to go, because let’s face it…I don’t have my artwork from kindergarten hanging on my wall, and the chances are my kids won’t want theirs either. This is true for most “sentimental” items that evoke a moment of “aaawww” when seen, but then are not thought about again. Those things need to go.

Anyway…I’m doing this now. 30 minutes a day, bit by bit. I’m not getting rid of everything that’s non-essential but sentimental, and I think that a bonus benefit of death cleaning is that those things that do stay will have a more prominent presence in my life and will bring me more joy. Marie Kondo style!

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⚰️ Living Funeral

A living funeral is a pre-funeral, held while a dying person is still alive, so that they can share in the celebrations of their life. It’s an opportunity to gather loved ones, reflect on the patient's life, share memories and express feelings. I think it is incredibly beautiful, and incredibly brave. 

I first came across it when I watched this video of Michelle, a 29yr old ovarian cancer sufferer, who decided to host a living funeral for 30 or so of her friends and family members, on 23 Dec 2023, and agreed to have it filmed. When guests were asked if anyone wanted to give a eulogy, there was an eerie silence. Nobody wanted to speak. I think the emotions of speaking with such finality were overwhelming to everyone. But once the first person eventually started, it seemed everyone had a lot to say. There were a lot of tears, but also a lot of laughter. Michelle said that "death is not scary. It's the process of dying that's terrifying". She also said that "if there is no death, you don't know what life is". She died 10 days after her living funeral. 

It's a beautiful video, that will give you pause for thought. What kind of memories are we making while we are still here? How will we be remembered? And it might get you thinking about whether you would ever want to host one for yourself, or your loved ones if the need ever presented itself.

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💌 Postal Service for the Dead

This is really so touching. The service encourages people to write a letter to anyone in their life who has died, and to actually post it. They collect the envelopes, which you can mark in one of three ways: unmarked envelope means the letter will not be opened, a heart on the envelope tells the service they can read your letter but must keep it private, and a star means they can open the envelope and share contents on social media (see image below).

Writing a letter helps with the healing journey. Shared grief experiences also help. You can read an archive of the letters (those that were sent with a star) on their Instagram and Facebook accounts, or on the website. Sad, but poignant.

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🟩 The Green Box 

This is another hack to ease the burden of your death on loved ones. Get a box (preferably green!) and fill it with all the important documents your survivors might need.

@girdley tweeted about this, and included his list of what’s in the box. Warning: it’s a lot! It includes: - A “START HERE” document that lists everything in the box. Letters to your spouse/children/parents. Any mementos and to whom you’d like them given. Copy of your Will. Copies of your power of attorney documents. Computer passwords. Details of all insurance. Recommendation on who to trust and how . List of trusted advisors (lawyers, accountant, CPA, etc). Details of any trusts. Copies of physical property titles (cars, houses, etc). Personal portfolio information and access. Personal property valuations (jewelry, etc). List of personal and business people that should be notified. Funeral/burial instructions.

Obviously, this needs to be kept in a secure place, maybe a bank vault or personal safe. The fact that there is so much stuff to consider really drives home the point that it should be done. Otherwise, it just causes more problems for your survivors, at a horrible time in their lives.

FREE THERAPY

FROM MY BLOG

I did a bit of writing for the blog this week, and updated some of the photos:

• I launched a newsletter. But you already knew that. This piece lays out why I did it, and what my subscriber goal for the year is (spoiler alert: 1,000 subs by 31 Dec).

• Am I turning into a good cook? Part of my identity has been that I am a bad cook. But I always knew that I was an unwilling cook, not a bad one. As soon as I changed my attitude, I changed the outcome. (bonus: you’ll get a recipe for broccoli chicken pasta 🤣 )

• It’s vs Its. I messed up my grammar in my last two newsletters 🫠 This is an apology ode to myself. (Bonus: I tell you about grammar conversations I had with a famous editor and with a billionaire (for real)).

MUSIC

I heard someone say recently that they might as well admit that they are stuck in the 1980 and 1990s in their music choices, and I felt heard 😀 . Aside from Taylor Swift and the odd song here and there, I have the 80s and 90s on repeat. I also have a very …ummm…specific?…taste in music. I am not ashamed. This one here is one of my favourite songs ever.

LAUGHS

*ADD TO CART

Not sure about you, but my timeline has been taken over by Temu ads. I haven’t succumbed yet, but they sure do a good job with the product photographs. I wouldn’t mind having any of these in my possession. But I am very weary of getting crap instead, which would just make me super angry. Have any of you ordered from them? How do the photographs compare to the real product?

Thanks for reading!

That’s it for this week. (Want more? You can find past editions here). I hope you have a great weekend and upcoming week. Please keep sharing /forwarding to your friends/groups 😄 and let me know any feedback (you can just hit reply to this email, if you’re reading it in your inbox).

PS WORTH A VISIT