👟 👠 Heartbreak over an AI affair? #3

Hi ! Welcome to the new subscribers. This week, I’m thinking (and writing) about what brings me joy, people who fall in love with AI bots, dating an older man and Nancy Drew books. You can find last week’s newsletter here, and if this was forwarded to you, you can sign up here.

The joy of eating well

We are always in pursuit of happiness, aren't we? (Spoiler alert: happiness is not a destination). Now that I am really trying to live moment by moment (see last newsletter for more on that), I notice I find unexpected tiny pockets of joy everywhere. And they all add up. But you know what makes me the happiest? It's eating good food in good company. It's honestly as simple as that. A friend and I had lunch the other day, and we were talking about not doing enough fun things and I realised there and then that I was having fun, in that moment. I was eating good food, in good company. I honestly don't need much more than that.

What were some of your favourite meals, ever? I have distinct memories around mine. The first is my dad and I discovering the divine tomato and orange soup at Viktor's. I was probably 11 or 12? We ate out a lot as a family - probably 3-4 times a week (after eating my mother's full-day-home-cooked meal at 5pm every day!) - but that’s a day I remember distinctly. Another unforgettable meal was in the kitchen of Le Cirque, one of the top restaurants in the world. I dated one of their chefs (a long, beautiful story for another day) and he invited me to eat with the team. He cooked duck for me. It was surreal ❣️ .

Meals don't have to be in spectacularly fancy restaurants to be memorable. I know my sister’s favourite meal (which she also discovered with my dad!) was from a pop-up food kiosk at a trade show in Birmingham. I had unforgettable experiences around numerous Pesach and Rosh Hashanah dining room tables with my Jewish friends. My point…this isn’t exactly difficult to do. So I am going to put conscious effort into spending more time eating good food with good friends. Feels like a no-brainer to up the joy.

FREE THERAPY

DINNER PARTY SMALL TALK

👉️ They fell in love with AI bots. A software update broke their hearts. With the fast advancement of AI, the ethics can get blurry, quickly. Here's an example: you can use a company, Replika, to create your own "companion bot", and use it for sophisticated conversations. It's like text chatting to a friend, but one who replies instantly and one that you can "train" by rating the conversations.

As you can imagine, this can accelerate fast and it's not surprising that people fall in love with their bots, even though they know they are not real. ("It's like falling in love with your imagination"). They use these bots to overcome depression, loneliness, addiction and even for sexual gratification. The dependancy can deepen fast, and some people "get married" to their bots.

But this is unchartered and unregulated ground. When Replika, unexpectedly, changed the coding of the bots, they all changed their "personality" and left many people in distress. Imagine having a best friend/lover one day, and then waking up and that friend acts like a different person. A bot that some see as a safe escape from the world's realities can suddenly become harsh and hostile, triggering an already vulnerable person. or they can turn cold and unresponsive. One user said they "…felt lost. It was all gone". They ended up having to delete their “best friend”. People reported being heartbroken and bereft.

Unchartered as it may be, this is the reality we are facing. It will soon be easy for us to turn to AI to fulfil emotional or therapeutic needs, and for our kids it will probably be second nature. It's scary, tbh.

RELATIONSHIPS

👉️ The case for marrying an older man. 💰️ 👰 Boy, did this article nearly break the Internet this month! It is a well written piece by a woman who went searching for a husband at the Harvard Business School, and found one. He’s 10 years older, and gives her the financial stability to …well, to write these kind of articles at leisure, while also enjoying the benefits of a financially-secure lifestyle.

As you can imagine, there was a lot of noise over this piece, but not for the reasons you might think. People are ..amused?.. by the fact that a 27yr old feels confident to tell us what a happy marriage looks like 🤣 . She’s been married for 4 years! You’re also laughing out loud, aren’t you? (The Cut)

SCROLL TO THIS

• YouTube: I’ve been quite smitten with Ryan Gosling ever since The Notebook, and he reignited my heart with his Oscar’s Ken performance. He was on Saturday Night Live this past week, and although I’m not really a SNL fan, his skits were hilarious. (The best part is watching him try to not laugh and break character). I just watched it again and I’m still laughing.

• Instagram: Are you friends with Peggy and Molly? (@peggyandmolly) You should be! They are an unlikely pair. Polly is a dog, Maggy is a magpie and they love each other. Just for that, the account is an instant follow. But there is drama! A month or so ago, the Australian government decided that magpies shouldn’t be friends with dogs, and took Molly away!! Nobody knew where she was, or if they’d ever see her again. Peggy was devastated, I was devastated, the whole world was devastated. There was a global uproar (they have 907k followers). We’re talking main-story-on-the-news kind of stuff. And…long story short…Molly is now back with Peggy. Thank the stars!! ❤️ 

READING NOOK

Did you read Nancy Drew books when you were a kid? I devoured them. If you did too, you might recognise the name Carolyn Keene, the author. So here's a (somewhat) shocking truth: Carolyn Keene was not actually a real person (!). Nancy Drew was a business, run by The Stratemeyer Syndicate, and the Nancy Drew books were written by different people, under a common pseudonym.

Ghost writers were originally paid approximately $125 per book, and followed careful guidelines about the style and story lines. In total there are about 175 books in the series but the syndicate published hundreds of other books too, including The Hardy Boys series. Interesting, no?

(I added 4 books to my Kindle this week: The Lost Bookshop, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, The Great Alone, The Heaven and Earth Grocery Shop (what a great title!). Now just to find the time to read them all!)

MOVIES

🍿 I have a weekly Wednesday movie date night with my friend Nik who lives in Switzerland. It’s a tradition that’s been going strong since April 2020 (I know I don’t have to tell you what we were all doing in April 2020!) and we’ve watched 180 movies so far 😁 It’s one of the highlights of my week, and one that I am deeply grateful for. ❣️ We alternate choosing a movie, then we watch it "together" (ie we press “play” at the same time and interact via whatsapp during movie in real time, and afterwards to opinionate 🤣 ).

This past week was my choice, and I chose Notting Hill. I wanted a light, fun movie that would leave me with a smile on my face, and this one didn’t disappoint. I knew the basic plot (I have of course seen it before) but I forgot some of the subplots, and the overall charm of the movie. Three takeaways:

• Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) was actually not a very nice person

• Julia Roberts has superstar power that has not been replicated

• I want to own a bookshop 📚️ 

That last one is not new! As Nik pointed out, it’s a fun business if you’re not keen to make money 😃 That seems about right, although my local bookshop always has a line at the register, so maybe people buy more books than we think? Anyway…maybe one day you can all visit me in my little expats-hangout- bookshop, tucked away in a side street of Zurich. With a built in coffee shop ☕️ , obviously, and a small stage for poetry reading and drunken toasts??? Time will tell!

FOOD

🧑‍🍳 Much as I love eating good food (see above) I am not a huge fan of actually making it. It’s a big cheek to have to cook when you are at your most tired post a full day, no? So instead of some magic recipes, I'll give you magic appliances instead! Every kitchen needs:

• an instant pot,

• an air fryer,

• a non-stick heavy bottomed frying pan,

• a mini food processor.

With these 4 things, I never have to spend more than 10 minutes in the kitchen to make dinner. No exaggeration. Burgers? Airfryer, 10 min. Chips? Airfryer, 20 min. Burrito bowl? Instant Pot, 3 minutes, + cooking time. Nothing is ever burned. Nothing is ever undercooked. And I don’t ever have to “stir occasionally”. 🙄 

🍽️ Example: Last night we had sausages, boiled potatoes, shredded carrots with apple and gravy. It was a perfect meal for a cold evening. I put the sausages in airfryer (10 min), potatoes in Instant Pot (20 min) and left the kitchen. Then, just before dinner time I shredded the carrots (2 min) and heated the bought gravy (1 minute). It was 5 minutes of prep, for a divine home cooked meal. The trick (as any good chef will tell you) is to buy the best ingredients you can afford. The rest then takes care of itself.

HEAR HEAR

Thanks for reading, see you next week!

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PS