Hi ! Welcome back :-) This week I am thinking and writing about myself (!), how to save the world, sacred spaces, prison sentences, Christmas, holidays, and goats (or birds?) - Eve D.❣️

Week in review…

In the last newsletter I told you this week I’d be doing nothing but work and that’s exactly what I did. The good news is I got a ton of stuff done, the bad news is that I don’t have much to write about here, today. 🤷‍♀️ But we persevere.

☕️ I did squeeze in coffee with friends, waffles with kids, brunch on my own, and a great weekend with G.

👂️ I spent the whole Saturday morning with G, in public spaces, and then the rest of the day having a face-to-face conversations with him, and it was only once I went to the bathroom late afternoon and looked in the mirror I realised I was wearing two completely different earrings. And I’m not talking small studs here…they were long, hanging earrings, completely mismatched. I don’t know how this happened, but I do know that G didn’t even notice. #Men. 😂 

🎄 This past Tuesday (16 September) was the “100 days to Christmas” day. Yes, it’s nuts, and no, I am not going to start talking about Christmas quite yet. Except, I have to tell you that Micole was watching a bunch of TikToks from our local stores about unpacking their Xmas merch, and she spotted something we absolutely had to have. I therefore ran, not walked, to the shops on Wednesday 9am, and walked away with this gem:

We have put it away until November 15, which is The Official Start of Christmas Season in this household. But things are already looking good for my favourite part of the year!

🌴 Speaking of December, G and I are running away for 10 days in the first half, and I can taste this holiday already. I know it’s still about 3 months away (12 weeks exactly, actually) but I’m already thinking about what I’m going to pack. And I’m also already tagging some of our WhatsApp discussions with #December, in anticipation for when we have more time to dive into deep topics. #needed

Food for thought:

Pass the pail…

Let’s not kid. The world is a mess. I keep on saying this, here, there, everywhere. I also say (as I did here last week), that sorry as I am that we have to go through all this, I’m bowing out and hope that other people fix the chaos. Because clearly I can’t.

So, the Universe delivered.  Use this magic bullet to shoot yourself in the foot, by Adam Mastroianni is one of the best short pieces I have read this year. If you too are feeling scared and overwhelmed by this world, and don’t know how you can make things better, I urge you to read it.

Adam talks about how our circle of what we are supposed to care about is growing steadily (mostly due to access to information), and we are suddenly prompted to care about a lot of things. (Just open the front page of any news website). But we are not designed to handle this much caring (cue: overwhelm). “We can care about all eight billion people riding this rock with us, but we can only care for a tiny fraction of them”. So instead of caring, we convince ourselves that since we cannot fix anything ourselves, it is no longer our problem. Sure, we feel bad about it, but it’s not “on us”.

This “self-handicapping” is why the world seems full of people who have accepted the dire future, but have also given up trying to fix it (me!! me!!). “For people supposedly facing the breakdown of our society, our response is less fight-or-flight and more freeze-and-unease, frown-and-lie-down, and despair-and-stay-there.”

The problem is that as soon as we “write things off”, we lose the ability to fix them, and “avoiding the blame” does not mean we get to avoid the consequences. He offers a solution:

It’s such a good read. Please go have a look.

And yes, it will all be ok…

And passing the pail (see above), is worth it! I find this piece filled with such immense hope and promise:

15 questions…

I recently came across “Steven Colbert’s 15 Questions”. Designed by the (soon ex-) late show host, these questions are a quick fire way get someone to reveal their essence in under 5 minutes. They certainly aren’t deep, but they are somewhat fun. I thought I’d try them on myself (see below) but I invite you to hit reply on this email and send me your answers! I’d love to get to know some of you better.

Q.1 What is the best sandwich?
Good bread, soft and dough-y. Lots of excellent butter. Roast beef, generous portion. A topping, probably horseradish or a good mustard. Sliced gherkins. At least two slices of emmentatler cheese. Something on the side, maybe crisps, or a tangy salad. Sweet lemonade. Bliss!

Q2. What’s one thing you own that you should really throw out?
I own stacks and stacks of printed paper. All sorts of things, accumulated over years. They sit in my “Document Cupboard”, which I had to buy just for this purpose, and the only time I see this mess is whenever I add to it, or when I move house. Some of these papers are somewhat important (I guess), but they could easily be scanned and used in a digital format. Come to think of it, my paper is not just in the Document Cupboard. It’s also in my study, on shelves, in desk drawers. The problem with clutter like this is that even when it’s out of sight, it’s never really out of mind. Clutter causes stress (this is a proven fact), and getting rid of it is a quick way to feeling less overwhelmed. My paper needs to go.

Q3. What is the scariest animal? 
I'll choose one I'm likely to encounter day-to-day, because it’s pointless to choose between genuinely scary animals, like hippos or lions. But in real, every day life I'd have to say: a bat. I once had one in my house, and I fell apart at the seams. I screamed. Loud. Again and again. My then-12yr old daughter had to rescue me, and then she had to rescue the bat. I now have bats in my garden (the neighbours have a bat hotel (!), and come summer dusk they swoop between my trees and scare the living daylights out of me. On purpose, I’m sure. And yes, I still scream.

Q4. Apples or oranges?
Apples probably. Less messy. But orange juice over apple juice any day!

Q5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
I don't think so. Except back in 1993 or so, when my then-boyfriend’s favourite and very famous author released a new book and did a signing at the equally famous Harvard Bookshop. I stood in line, bought the book and presented it to him. He was thrilled. I remember his reaction, but for the life of me I cannot remember the book or the author. I think it was Ann Rice, but I could be very wrong. I’ve had more books signed since then, but none by anyone very famous.

Q6. What do you think happens when we die?
I have no idea! I think about it, though. I do know it's not nothing. There is a collective energy around us, and I believe that has something to do with it. My life is full of impossible-to-ignore signs from my parents. I don’t know. But I think about death often - not in a macabre way, but more in the “it’s unavoidable, it happens to all of us, and what then?” sort of way. I also like to think that our death is actually just the beginning of something great i.e not to be feared. It’s a good way to cope with grief, to be honest.

Q7. Favourite action movie?:
Maverick. No contest. But Bourne Identity franchise is close.

Q8. Window or Aisle?
If I fly alone, window. It's easier to sleep or just lean against the wall. But it really should be aisle because when I need to pee, I need to pee. If I fly with kids, I'll sit wherever they don’t want to (ie the middle). Same goes for partner or friend. I'm easy like that! 

Q9. Favourite smell
Petrichor, the smell of rain on soil.

Q10. Least favourite smell
So this is a weird one. Maybe you have some insight. A couple of months back, Micole made me strawberries and cream, and as I was going to eat them I was overwhelmed by a horrible taste/smell. I thought the strawberries were off. Micole checked, she said they were totally fine. And since that day, I have been extremely sensitive to most berry smells, especially artificial ones, most of the time but not all the time. Also, I became extremely sensitive to what I perceive to be a “chemical” smell in products, especially most shampoos. All this is a sudden and new development. I have experimented with shampoos and have settled on sulphate-free as the best option for me, but I still encounter the smell often, when others can smell nothing. I’ve been googling this, because my mom experienced something similar for a couple of months before she died, so I want to make sure it’s nothing serious. It’s frustrating how difficult it is to explain this. And it literally happened from one day to the next.

Q11. Most used app on your phone?
I have really tried to cut back on phone time. My most used apps are: WhatsApp, my bank, Gmail, Notes, YouTube, YouTube Music, Substack, Calculator, NYT Games.

Q12. Cats or dogs?
Aah. Until a couple of months ago I’d have said “dogs”, but since Benji adopted us and has revealed himself to be part human, I’ve really grown to love this cat. If I absolutely had to choose, I’d say dogs.

Q13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it?
I'm going to have to say none. Much as I love music, once a song starts to annoy me I go insane if I am forced to listen to it. I doubt there is any song that would survive the “rest of life” requirement.

Q14. What number am I thinking of? 
Eleven. Always eleven. This number is so ingrained in every aspect of my life, that it’s now my silent partner in crime. If I see the number 11 out in the wild, especially when I really need support, I acknowledge it as a silent wink from the Universe that I am not alone and feel an instant boost.

Q15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words
On the lookout for joy

Sacred Places

Prisons around the world

If you have to lock me up here, you can throw away the key for years. Just give me books, pen and paper and fast internet.

Shower Thoughts: 

🚿 I learnt that the term “nominative determinism” exists. It’s the concept that your name nudges you towards your career. Some examples: Usain Bolt (fastest man in the world), Anna Smashnova (tennis player), Sue Yoo (a lawyer in California 🤣 ), Igor Judge (Chief Justice of England and Wales).

🚿 When you are tired of adulting with other people, simply excuse yourself by saying “My social battery is getting low, so I have to go”.

🚿 Word of week: “irascible”; easily provoked to anger, irritable. You know, just in case…

🚿 Interesting framework. Think of the age 50-75 as the Third Quarter of your life, and make sure it’s your best one yet. You’ll likely get at least a part of the 4th quarter, but the 3rd is when you should still be strong and mobile enough to really get the most out of life. I’m in the quarter, and I’m trying to make it count!

🚿 Do you see a bird, or a goat? I’m confused. I think it’s a goat? Or is it the bird? Argh!

I’ve been watching…

We watched Naked Gun this week, with Niam Leeson and Pamela Anderson. It is exactly what you think it is. So you either like these silly movies, or you don’t. I laughed out loud many times, but I also did think that this is borderline just a bit too silly for a busy-season mid-week treat.

Looking ahead…

Today I am doing something I don’t think I have ever done before…I am going to a neighbour’s birthday party. Literally lives across the road. (Not my road, G’s). It’s kind of a win-win because…

but also we don’t have to stay there together if one of us wants to go back home (I hope you know by now which one of us two is the introvert. It’s so me).

This coming week has something of a blessing and a curse: a Wednesday public holiday. Blessing because it’s literally “Braai Day” so we all get together and braai (barbecue) , but it’s a curse because a Wednesday public holiday makes my brain short circuit and the whole week is at risk of being a write off. I hope you have a great weekend and week!

Thanks for reading!

Want more? You can find past editions here.

Want to chat? You can email me privately by hitting reply on this email. I read and reply to all :-)

P.S.