👟👠 53 cheers and all that... (#96)

Hi ! Welcome back. It’s my birthday tomorrow :-). Today I am writing about ….my week. But I am also writing TO people- 53 to be exact. See below to see what I mean 😀 - Eve D.❣️

(This newsletter is different today. If you are new here, please know that this is not the usual format. If you are a regular, please indulge my (looong) post below. Back to regular programming next week. )

What I did this week:

📆 This week I: watched a whole lot of waterpolo, did a parkrun, had coffee with friends, did my nails, enjoyed the rain and fixed my website (stupid ISP!). Next week I’ll update it, lol.

🎤 Probably the most interesting/novel thing I did this week was attend my first PechaKucha. If you don’t know, it’s like a bunch of TED Talks, except that the speakers speak to 20 slides, at strictly 20 seconds per slide. So it’s fast moving, and the idea is that ordinary people can come and talk about whatever interests them, for 6.5 minutes. Someone suggested I do one of these, so I figured I better see them in action before I commit. I took G, and we listened to 8 talks: some were good, some were disappointing. What I learnt: 1) That I am and always will be a harsh critic at heart. My kids will attest to this! 2) That I am definitely going to do one of these. The next one is in June and I’ve signed up 3) That I am a paradox. I want to meet new people, but when I actually saw 200 new people in the audience, mingling and networking, all I wanted was to hide, grab a burger and chat to G (which is exactly what I did).

🤬 I think it’s safe to say that I am a pretty independent woman, but good lord was that put to the test this week. Let me paint the picture: It’s about 6pm, Wednesday night. I am exhausted. All I want to do is go and take a nap, but dinner needs to be made/eaten. I already cheated the system by getting ready made fish cakes, and all I needed was boiled baby potatoes (unpeeled - can you spot all my life hacks?). I put the potatoes on the stove, and wait. About 10 minutes in, I realise my stove has stopped working. I had run out of gas, (this time literally). I’m supposed to have a backup, but don’t… so ….I swear (a lot), and go unscrew the gas bottle, carry it to my car, drive to my petrol station and swop out for a new bottle. At this point, I am so tired you could blow me over with a feather. I arrive back home, and IYKYK a full gas bottle is considerably heavier than an empty one. I try to carry it to my back yard, give up half way when I remember I have a teenage son who gyms. He carries the bottle for me, attaches it to the kitchen outlet. All that’s left to do is open the gas bottle valve “by turning clockwise”. I tried. IT WOULDN’T BUDGE. Micole (who you would think is the weakest member of my family but is by far my “open this jar please” person) couldn’t budge it either. Neither could Zac. I am exhausted, hungry, potatoes uncooked. I wish with every cell of my body that G was there (he could probably open up that valve by just looking at it). But no G to be found. I have no choice but to reverse my entire process…unscrew bottle from outlet, carry back to the car (heavy!), drive back to the petrol station and ask the guys there to open it. They couldn’t! They struggled to the point of actually turning it into a competition amongst themselves. Eventually someone brought out a wrench and managed, at which point I had to get back home etc etc. I swore a lot that evening, and the irony is we didn’t even end up eating the potatoes because I undercooked them. FFS.

☎️ I had a fascinating, delightful experience! On Tuesday night I got a WhatsApp from a friend of my parents, asking to chat. I had never really interacted with this person as an adult, the last time I saw him was probably 20 or 25 years ago. He came out to South Africa from Poland with my parents in the early 1980s…we were all at the same “expat base” when we arrived, as part of a contract with the SA military. That whole era was an incredible time for us and always makes for excellent stories (hold that thought!). I call him, we chat for a bit, and then he asks to speak to my mother. I had to break the news to him that she had passed, and apologise that we somehow forgot to let him know. He was understandably shocked. Anyway, we end up chatting for 30 minutes (in Polish, which I almost never speak these days), catching up on family news and reminiscing about the past when he tells me that….he wrote a book about his experience of leaving Poland as a refugee, going through Austria, and adjusting to life in SA as an immigrant. This has me excited, because I know it’s a story worth telling. My perspective of it is as an 8year old, but I often wonder what it was like for my parents to come here with no money, no language, no experience and a young family to look after. It’s my parents’ perspective that matters but they are no longer around to share it. He then goes on to say that both my parents feature in the book. He wrote about us! I cannot believe that a) there is a book that explicitly talks about our actual experience of coming to SA and b) that it actually features my parents. I have obviously ordered the book, and will be devouring it. And then I will tell you all about it when I am done!

53 open letters…

It’s my birthday tomorrow! I am going to give you a gift and spare you a “53 things I’ve learnt about life…” post. Instead, I am still going to bore you, but in a different sort of way 😃 . I am writing open letters to 53 people in my life. Well, not letters…more like postcards. (I stole this idea from Sasha Chapin, with his blessing.) I am not going to explain the concept (you’ll figure it out soon enough), but I will say that coming up with 53 people to write to was difficult. I know some people who would struggle to narrow it down to just 53, and some who probably wouldn’t make it past 20 people. (Neither is better than the other, it just is). (Quick update: Writing this turned out to be harrowing. I thought it would be fun, but it was both difficult and mostly sad. I learnt a lot about myself and my life. Lots to think about) Also: in all honesty, I totally understand this is boring to read, so feel free to skip this part. It’s really here just for me.

In no particular order whatsoever… (and if you think I’m writing to you, you’re probably right!):

1. You taught me what a paradox is. Not intentionally, of course. But it’s the only way I can describe my relationship with you. If I ever wrote a book about it, I’d need years of therapy, because most things are left better forgotten. Which is a blessing, because now I remember the good things only. And there are plenty. Paradox, see? 

2.  Oooh. It was tough, wasn’t it? Our roles are best explained and justified when we assume and agree that we both just did the best we could, while fighting desperately to survive in a world we had only a slight hand in scripting. Lessons learnt. Regrets collected. Forgiveness, mostly of self, necessary. 

3. You’re a prick. Fuck right off. 

4. Hey! You’re awesome. You make me smile and laugh and giggle. I am glad I found you. You not only want me to be better, you make me better (you’ll deny it,  but deep down you know I am right (always, btw)).  I hope you stick around. 

5. What is it like to know that you taught someone (me!) not just how to love but also how to be loved. That last one was a life saver, and a path layer. I don’t think anyone will top you, by the way. But only because we are now wiser, and know that such bliss is fleeting. So we prepare, and survive. (Which is  another thing you taught me how to do, btw).

6. If anyone asks me if I believe in soulmates, I say yes, and I think of you. But I don’t want you, which is a funny new definition of the word soulmate, isn’t it? Our story is the strongest, but we ran out of space.

7.  It’s not fair that I can never tell our story out loud. Nobody would believe me, anyway. I barely believe me. But we do know it’s true, don’t we? Wild. Wild!! 

8. Absolute perfection. 

9. A close second. You’re sneaky, how you wormed your way into my heart. Welcome. 

10. Our relationship is complicated in its strength. Could also be complicated due to my weakness. I like the permanence of it; unconditional. 

11. Fuck, but you are a train smash. Holy shit. Glad you departed my station. 

12. It’s been years and years, and I still pretend the world has you in it. Out of everything and everybody who has ever crossed my path and left, I do so (so!) strongly wish you were still here. I don’t talk about you much, but only because I have no sufficient words. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to you. You taught me what unconditional was, and how important it was to give it to other people. Thank you. I miss you. 

13. I can’t believe I did what I did, and I don’t know how I will ever fix it. But I will, one day. Maybe. Hopefully.

14. You’re a bit of a thorn in my life right now, even if only indirectly, and I wish I had a magic wand that could make all the problems you cause go away. 

15. You’re literally a life saver. Thank you. 

16. You too. Thank you. 

17. I view things in a different light now. If I learnt anything from us is that there are three sides to every story. None of us told our story well, and nobody really listened to us anyway. Whenever I think I could have done things better, I remember that I tried. I hope you are at least somewhat embarrassed and a lot horrified. If you are, then I’ll agree to forgive and forget. 

18. I think you delivered above anyone’s expectations. I’m not sure, but I do like to hope. 

19. I always rooted for you. You probably don’t believe that, but I did, and do. 

20. You tried to be a maverick. It didn’t work. A lot of people got hurt, on your watch. 

21.  I have huge respect for you. One day, we’ll have coffee! I think we’ll laugh a lot while we talk. 

22. We kind of both got fooled, or so it seems. But probably not, in the end. Or maybe yes. I don’t know. Still, thank you for everything. You (we) really tried. 

23. When I think of you, I always smile. I am lucky, and honoured, to call you my friend, even if it has been years since we spoke. I’m so proud of you. We need to catch up. 

24. Urgh. Go AWAY. (you were fleeting, but memorable)

25. You and number 24 should be friends. Urgh. 

26. I’ve told the story many times, and each time it makes me tear up because of the kindness you showed when we needed it most. You probably (definitely) have no recollection of the fleeting moment, and yet it was everything. Thank you. 

27. I hope you are still alive. I wish I knew. I hope you managed. I really want to take you out to lunch. I still think of us often, of when we were young. 

28. You were and are one of my most favourite people in the world. And certainly the goodest. I think you wanted a different road for us, but I was right, right? I see you on my feeds, and I see you are happy. And thus so am I. 

29. Oh wow. You are a little bit nuts, let’s be honest. But I loved the new dimension you introduced me to. It shaped me, and helped me. Thank you. 

30. You’ll be in my life forever, I know this. And I will need you to be. I am very, very grateful for you. 

31. I wish we were still friends! Why did we ever stop? 

32. You are a delight! I love that you are in my life, sporadic as our interactions are. Very grateful for you. 

33. I am sorry that life is not easy. It’s really not fair. I think you are brave, and strong, and I have huge admiration for your stoicism. 

34. One day, when you least expect it, I will strike back. I will kick you when you are weak, because that is what you did to me. (Maybe I won’t though, because who has the energy for this? But you do need to pay. Maybe karma will take care of that?)

35. We are an unlikely pair of friends, but I do think of you as a friend, even though few would classify us as such. Thank you for your kindness. 

36. I cannot believe that you beat me to it! You, of all people!! Ha ha! I love it! The Myth! 

37. I think of you often, and I hope you come to visit again soon. I loved our times together. 

38. You too!! Bring that wife of yours this side, please.

39-42. Thank you. It was not for nothing! 

43. I am so, so, so incredibly grateful to have you in my life. I hope you are here forever and ever. Our story might not be the story we thought we would write, but I am enjoying it nevertheless. I can’t wait to touch ground with you one day. 

44. You are clear proof that friendships do not have to be complicated or intense. Thank you for yours! 

45. Shame is harmful, I know. But that’s what I feel when I think of you. I am sorry. And I’m mortified. Maybe one day I can fix. 

46. You too. Oh God. Sorry. 

47. And you. (Erase! Erase! Erase!)

48. This should be the easiest one to write, but I saved it for almost last. I am so proud of you and delighted to watch you carve your path and enjoy the journey. And I am so glad I am here for it. You make the world a better place, and I hope the world rewards you with goodness and grace.

49. I cannot wait to see how you change the world (and also how it will kick your butt and force you to fight back). I’m not worried though; you will tackle it with optimism, wisdom and resilience. You still have to grow into all that, but not to worry. It’s happening.

50. Second chances! I think we could, could, do something incredible . And I think we must, just because we deserve it.

51. You are a rare gem, a survivor and a fighter. You are kind, and gentle, and filled with love and joy. I don’t know how much longer we will have together, but I hope time is kind and I get to spend some in-person time with you before it’s too late.

52. I don’t know you, but I should. Maybe one day?

53. You are awesome. Believe it. Go shed the crap, and carve the future you want. You know you can, and you know it’s going to be amazing.

What I watched:  

We watched Song Sung Blue (Kate Hudson, Hugh Jackson) which is a real life story about a husband and wife musical act, as a tribute to Neil Diamond. It’s uplifiting and sad at the same time, and Kate Hudson was remarkable in it, I thought.

Next week:

I’m celebrating my birthday in style! G is spoiling me with an ooh-la-la dinner, we are going out for lunch with friends today, kids and I are going out for dinner tomorrow and then it’s back to work (I guess). Also, I’m starting a mug collection, I’ve decided:

Thanks for reading!

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P.S.

I’m repeating this one, because it seems apt, and throwing in a new one below

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